"CATGIRL" -Yup! That's Me...!!

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So once again I traverse the deep seas of my innate passion that at times submerges itself beneath a calm n naive facade but is raging n thrashing in the realm of my heart !! And so the mystery of Catgirl unfolds once again to all who are still mesmerized by my perseverance and many more who are yet to be in awe of it !! Catgirl working undercover as a teacher N Blogger henceforth pronounces herself a hard-core feminist !!! A girl out to protect the "woman-cause' in the world of self-loving male; A girl who would do anything she is capable of to restore the image of women which has been tarnished, even in the modern society ! Catgirl Strikes again !!! (my logo since 12 years)

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Compromise to RISE !!

Women often wonder why a wonderful relationship that sailed smoothly through all adversities, suddenly took a backseat after a seemingly normal situation. What went wrong? They, in particular, fear the ‘silent treatment’ that the male breeds so often lends to their partners. Being the emotional symbol they are known for, women begin to have real troublesome thoughts that hound them day and night. Triggered by these demons they become so insecure that they want to hold on to their man tightly, suffocating and annoying them even more. According to Dr. John Gray, author of ‘Men are from Mars…”, at these times in a relationship men need to be left alone and women need to put their insecurity as well as their self created guilty-feeling (did I do something wrong?) on hold! Period. Pestering and insisting that he talks and shares won’t play Viola to his state, but instead will hamper his ability to think and consequently even prolong his silent period.
It pays to understand that mood is just a part of a woman’s being; just a time of the day. She may be lazy in the morning, happy while talking to a friend on phone, tearful over a social ill, excited about her children’s progress all in an hour. Every hour after that she may be taken over by a new mood. Women have this God-gifted ability to adapt and mould-something she realizes she needs to survive in this society full of predators that hunt on her blissful life from all around.
When a relationship is on the rocks and even when its broken, men often think that his woman seems calm to the world, so maybe she was just having a good past time. But, infact she does this only NOT to hurt the people close to her, not to bother her family and friends with her relationship troubles. That’s what a woman’s mood is all about. On the other hand, mood for a man is equal to his ego. He wears it like his favorite jeans which may mean a period of more than a week at times.
Remember! A solid marriage is not about being compatible or each other’s ideal or soulmates. But it’s about understanding each other’s different state of mind; unique thought process. We need to appreciate the differences. If the differences look like a long distance we need to erect the bridge of ‘compromise’ to reach out to our life partner; tune in ourselves to their frequency! That is the Golden rule for a successful marriage.
The generation of today does not understand this because it requires ‘Patience’ which to them is boring and a waste of time. They want to direct and expend their energies to find their ideals, whom they get eventually, but once married they don’t know how to keep their soulmates with them forever! As the marital life opens up to other realities of life e.g. physical, financial, social, even professional bindings, the soul flies out of a relationship. Hence, a lot of effort is required to keep the blood flowing in the body of the relationship- not letting it get buried alive in the coffin of ‘Divorce’. Marriage is not about two like minds making it smoothly to the end of the road because that has never been and will never be the case. Some heterogeneous opinions, different point of views and striking ideas add a spark to the relationship. However, this attractive flame needs to be handled with care so as not to let it become a fire that destroys relationships.
The word compromise should not draw a downtrodden picture of humility and submission in the minds of two mates. It’s just an extended form of understanding. Let me make it easy by comparison. Just like before marriage, we all love to change ourselves for our beloved and even feel happy in doing so likewise, changing and adapting to other pressing issues also needs to be incorporated after marriage. However, compromise soon becomes a bane if only one partner is expected to do so. Typically females are on the giving side of it, rightfully so, as they are more capable for it, but men should put in their share equally. No two people can live the life of soulmates without compromising on their ego and self-made set of rules!!

Infact, if their rules happen to clash with each other, then they both need to sit down and break the invisible wall around them. A new wall needs to be erected now-one that protects rather than disrupts their communication. Starting from the most dogmatic principles to the less egoistic ones; the rules should be listed and tallied with each other and the most problematic ones be talked about rather than forced down each other’s throat!
“I never heard this bizarre thought in my entire lifetime!”
“How can you even imagine saying this to me when you know how I will feel …”
“Do whatever you want to, I am not gonna discuss this. It’s out of question!!”
…….and other similar red-lit statements should be avoided altogether. Once talked about in a heated way, the issue should be put to rest and the couple needs to look at it after some days. Those extreme displays of emotional arguments, that threaten to lay bare all the feelings inside the heart, are enough to jerk one out of his/her senses for quiet sometime. So rest your mind.
After going through this exercise, the emotional cycle follows in almost the same way on both sides. You sleep with the thought of not moving an inch, putting everything on stake. You are hurt to the core and think how much you wasted on this useless relationship. Then you think of the world around, friends and family, worrying over how they will react to this situation. Will they be convinced? Would you gain sympathy or even empathy from mutual friends? This leads you to find reasons and justifications to convince the third party that we are right. After a good discussion with a close friend, you are equipped with loads of advices and thoughts. In solitude you weigh out the pros and cons and amazingly your guilt comes forth. Somewhere along the line a true well-wisher has been able to show you where you went wrong and where you hurt your partner most.
Now, that we sit alone, we realize the need to go back to our partner, this time more willing to adjust. Well then, after all these months and maybe years a husband and wife finally realize they are in LOVE and cannot live without one another. Even with all the differences and emotional distances, they are still willing to adjust. Then why do we shrink away from compromise??
THIS IS IT all the way !The stage of compromise that was promised before marriage!!!!
Hmmm….the dialogues uttered in those times win an Oscar afterall !! :-))) 
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Thank you !

23 comments:

Nazia Khan said...

very good work but plz put some light over the sufferings of the kids caught in the middle.

MSS said...

nice job! given a good picture of 90% of marital lives under pressure. thank you buddy!

CATGIRL said...

THank u soooo much Nazia..and MSS.........makes my DAY!! :-)))))

ahmad said...

well balanced, interesting, thought provoking and well written. Impressive. Made me RSS your blog posts ^.^

Anonymous said...

Very true!
Are you a psychologist?

CATGIRL said...

@Ahmed : do u blog too? how did u come across my blog? andd these were the BEST COMMENTS on this post till now...
@Anonymous : no no..i just write with the eye of my heart. so i feel and write and it comes out this way :-)))

ahmed said...

Dear Blogger (catgirl),
I am a lazy person. So, i am more on the consumer side that producing one, later i leave it to creative and expressive people. I am happy to be on the reader side and it brings a world of thoughts, ideas and smiles to me. So no blogs at my end.

As for coming across, your blog, i was reading comments in one of the blogs i follow/read/comment (Reluctant mind). Therein i saw your invitation to every1 to visit your blog. To be honest i ignore such invites, but respect that you showered to the blogger whose space you were using to invite made me visit. After reading few posts, i thought it would be unwise of me not to subscribe to you posts.

Cheers & regards

CATGIRL said...

Thank u so much Ahmed,,, i feel exhilarated wid such fine praise !

Tauqeer said...

Acha hai acha hai... laiken essay thora chota likh lia kero :$

CATGIRL said...

oho Tauqeer. i told u . hav to make my point VALID and based on some good theory. n theories are always long. plus its an old post re-scheduled for today. see the comment dates!
as per ur suggestion u can see my new posts hav just 3-4 paras..right?

Sole Sister said...

Hi thanks for visiting my blog.
I think the problem in marriage is that we (men and women) expect love to make everything better; to essentially fix things.

You're right about having patience, but this is not a relationship issue. Everything about our daily lives (most of us), tells us how to get what we want faster. How could we appreciate having to deal with another person when we can't wait an extra five minutes.

Nice post.

CATGIRL said...

Thanx solo sister. i will keep on visiting ur blog too,but i wish u had followed mine for further correspondence, if u like :-)) !!

Layla said...

Great post!!! And very true! Unfortunatly it is not always easy to set aside one's ego and to compromise, but I think it is a skill that committed married couples have to learn with time and practise. As long as a couple has good communication skills with one another, that compromise can be achieved :))

Love ur blog Sister, u have a new follower in me :))

HaRy!! said...

i hate to realise some stuff :(

CATGIRL said...

Really harry? tell me about it? i wanna know 'which stuff " exactly. i don't mind positive criticism !

HaRy!! said...

and if yu are in fb...pls add me

HaRy!! said...

no mate... i didnt mean the post... but am out of a breakup and i dread to read any posts reg relationships... thats wat i meant... anyways... I am an offical follower and will luv to read yur blogs :)... so glad to hav a pak friend.. i really mean it! cyu around mate

UmmAbdulAziz said...

Salam...
Nice post. The most hardest thing in relationship is to have both partners to work on relationship equally. You made very good points here.

P.S. thanks for visiting my blog.

Blue Pearl said...

Dear Catgirl

I am so glad you came to my blog as I would have missed the opportunity to see your wonderfully composed blog. I love this post and solemnly agree with men being from mars and them actually sometimes needing space. The funny part is that 9 times out of 10, women think that this silence/space often means they did something wrong of their guy stopped loving them. *chuckles* We are strange. I have added myself as a follower on your blog and definitely look forward to read more inspiring and well-thought posts like this one. Well done:)

CATGIRL said...

Layla and UMmAbdul : thanx for saying such nice words for my blog .
@Blue Pearl: ur analysis of my blog is AWESOME! .CAN'T believvvve someone wud shower soo much praise on a new blogger like me.. ur really like a pearl in a deep ocean..Honured to have u here !! :-))

The Diva Principle said...

Catgirl: first let me thank you for your comments on ny blog. I appreciate the compliments at heart and second: kudos to your blog as well. It is awesome!
Thirdly, I must agree men are from mars for sure and I think both parties should agree to work on themselves individually and collectively as partners.
Learning to appreciate one another differences relies on knowing each other and respecting each others views.

CATGIRL said...

Oh Diva, ur nick suits u aptly. thank u for taking out time to read such a loooong post and still giving valuable commments !!

Stranger said...

I read a couple of your blogs and they are quite interesting and thought provoking. This one I felt I needed to leave a comment.

A marriage in most of Asian countries is not between two people but a meeting of two families. some times it is one partner's family which wrecks havoc in a marriage.

Partners need to realize that their commitment to better half is as important as to their commitment to parents and siblings. When u embrace your partners family as ur own then most of the difficult situations in a marriage disappears.

I completely agree with you when u say compromise is the base to a strong family. If only we could all do that...

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