Compromise to RISE !!

I may not be that good at judging people, but there are certain things that have always intrigued me. Analyzing the behavior of people, going deep downto the core of their mindset; relating their past,upbringing, lifestyle, education, family background etc., to what makes them today has always been my mental hobby!

I was not born this way. Behavioral psychology has never been my skill or passion, but as I grew up I witnessed recessive relationships among friends and family alike. Many hurdles came across me in dealing with people and more often than not, after seeing some real painful falls in relationships around me, I finally realized that everyone is not what he or she seems! Not everyone is totally good or totally bad either. Circumstances, events and many external factors beyond our control make us what we are and how we act to certain situations.

Women often wonder why a wonderful relationship that sailed smoothly through all adversities, suddenly took a backseat after a seemingly normal situation. What went wrong? They, in particular, fear the ‘silent treatment’ that the male breeds so often lends to their partners. Being the emotional symbol they are known for, women begin to have real troublesome thoughts that hound them day and night. Triggered by these demons they become so insecure that they want to hold on to their man tightly, suffocating and annoying them even more.

According to Dr. John Gray, author of ‘Men are from Mars…”, at these times in a relationship men need to be left alone and women need to put their insecurity as well as their self created guilty-feeling (did I do something wrong?) on hold! Period. Pestering and insisting that he talks and shares won’t play Viola to his state, but instead will hamper his ability to think and consequently even prolong his silent period.
It pays to understand that mood is just a part of a woman’s being; just a time of the day. She may be lazy in the morning, happy while talking to a friend on phone, tearful over a social ill, excited about her children’s progress all in an hour. Every hour after that she may be taken over by a new mood. Women have this God-gifted ability to adapt and mould-something she realizes she needs to survive in this society full of predators that hunt on her blissful life from all around.


At times men take this adjustment to the vagaries of life as just another ‘acting skill’ of women. It becomes hard for them to understand that she is still worried in her heart over the low pay scale he is being offered, but she is happy that he finally got the job he yearned for. When a relationship is on the rocks and even when its broken, men often think that his woman seems calm to the world, so maybe she was just having a good past time. But, infact she does this only NOT to hurt the people close to her, not to bother her family and friends with her relationship troubles. That’s what a woman’s mood is all about. On the other hand, mood for a man is equal to his ego. He wears it like his favorite jeans which may mean a period of more than a week at times.

Remember! A solid marriage is not about being compatible or each other’s ideal or soulmates. But it’s about understanding each other’s different state of mind; unique thought process. We need to appreciate the differences. If the differences look like a long distance we need to erect the bridge of ‘compromise’ to reach out to our life partner; tune in ourselves to their frequency! That is the Golden rule for a successful marriage.

The generation of today does not understand this because it requires ‘Patience’ which to them is boring and a waste of time. They want to direct and expend their energies to find their ideals, whom they get eventually, but once married they don’t know how to keep their soulmates with them forever! As the marital life opens up to other realities of life e.g. physical, financial, social, even professional bindings, the soul flies out of a relationship. Hence, a lot of effort is required to keep the blood flowing in the body of the relationship- not letting it get buried alive in the coffin of ‘Divorce’.
Marriage is not about two like minds making it smoothly to the end of the road because that has never been and will never be the case. Homogenous relationships are simple and boring for today’s generation – the youth that seeks thrill in everything. Some heterogeneous opinions, different point of views and striking ideas add a spark to the relationship. However, this attractive flame needs to be handled with care so as not to let it become afire that destroys relationships.

The word compromise should not draw a downtrodden picture of humility and submission in the minds of two mates. It’s just an extended form of understanding. Let me make it easy by comparison. Just like before marriage, we all love to change ourselves for our beloved and even feel happy in doing so likewise, changing and adapting to other pressing issues also needs to be incorporated after marriage.
However, compromise soon becomes a bane if only one partner is expected to do so. Typically females are on the giving side of it, rightfully so, as they are more capable for it, but men should put in their share equally. No two people can live the life of soulmates without compromising on their ego and self-made set of rules!!

Infact, if their rules happen to clash with each other, then they both need to sit down and break the invisible wall around them. A new wall needs to be erected now-one that protects rather than disrupts their communication. Starting from the most dogmatic principles to the less egoistic ones; the rules should be listed and tallied with each other and the most problematic ones be talked about rather than forced down each other’s throat!
“I never heard this bizarre thought in my entire lifetime!”

“How can you even imagine saying this to me when you know how I will feel …”
“Do whatever you want to, I am not gonna discuss this. It’s out of question!!”
…….and other similar red-lit statements should be avoided altogether. Once talked about in a heated way, the issue should be put to rest and the couple needs to look at it after some days. Those extreme displays of emotional arguments, that threaten to lay bare all the feelings inside the heart, are enough to jerk one out of his/her senses for quiet sometime. So rest your mind

After going through this exercise, the emotional cycle follows in almost the same way on both sides. You sleep with the thought of not moving an inch, putting everything on stake. You are hurt to the core and think how much you wasted on this useless relationship. Then you think of the world around, friends and family, worrying over how they will react to this situation. Will they be convinced? Would you gain sympathy or even empathy from mutual friends? This leads you to find reasons and justifications to convince the third party that we are right. After a good discussion with a close friend, you are equipped with loads of advices and thoughts. In solitude you weigh out the pros and cons and amazingly your guilt comes forth. Somewhere along the line a true well-wisher has been able to show you where you went wrong and where you hurt your partner most.

Now, that we sit alone, we realize the need to go back to our partner, this time more willing to adjust. Well then, after all these months and maybe years a husband and wife finally realize they are in LOVE and cannot live without one another. Even with all the differences and emotional distances, they are still willing to adjust. Then why do we shrink away from compromise??
THIS IS IT all the way !!!

The stage of compromise that was promised before marriage!!!!

Hmmm….the dialogues uttered in those times win an Oscar afterall !!