"CATGIRL" -Yup! That's Me...!!

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So once again I traverse the deep seas of my innate passion that at times submerges itself beneath a calm n naive facade but is raging n thrashing in the realm of my heart !! And so the mystery of Catgirl unfolds once again to all who are still mesmerized by my perseverance and many more who are yet to be in awe of it !! Catgirl working undercover as a teacher N Blogger henceforth pronounces herself a hard-core feminist !!! A girl out to protect the "woman-cause' in the world of self-loving male; A girl who would do anything she is capable of to restore the image of women which has been tarnished, even in the modern society ! Catgirl Strikes again !!! (my logo since 12 years)

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

WWW= What Went Wrong

She was just browsing through her favourite social networking website, checking messages and peeping into the links of her friends to see if any of her girlfriends has had an affair or if they were about to break up or any spicy gossip that she was yet unaware of and which she can possibly ignite! At the same time she was listening to the new rage “Hips don’t lie” by Shakira and shaking to its catchy beat. Now she was smiling meaningfully at the sms she just received which said “Come online sweetheart, I am dying to talk to you”. Her reply, “I am already here Darling, waiting for you since ages!”. In moments a window popped open on the messenger and she became excited to see her “friend” online –ready to be drifted into another 3-4hour long episode of Alice in wonderland!
The chatting session was always like a large dose of magic potion that eased away all the tensions of the day riding her mind and made her look starry-eyed to the future that lay ahead!They used to talk on all different topics, initially starting with a comparison of their likes and dislikes as they had listed on their social site. They discovered that they were addicted to messaging, which led to an exchange of phone numbers. From then on a talking session always followed the chatting one into midnight. Those were the most exciting days for both of them. They shared the same thoughts about most issues. They talked about their interest, friends, hobbies, careers. Finally they planned to meet which ultimately led to the discussion of marriage. She had always known in her heart that he was her Mr.Right. He seemed good-looking in his display pics and was educated enough to support her afterwards. She guiltily used to check his open messages for any sign of flirting with other girls but she never found one .She was relaxed and amazed and then sometimes tensed over how to keep this perfect man with her for ever!!
A couple of meetings and 6 months later the two got married. It was unbelievable. From the phone calls to family meeting to date fixing. Everything just seemed to follow through. The parents were easily convinced they both belonged to an educated, broad minded family background. They were given a right to choose their spouses early on in their lives. They both were in love. Pure love. They knew each other perfectly. There was hardly any issue that remained disguised between them. People called them soul mates.
Until the wedding night....
It was the moment that they both had waited for. He felt calm. She was nervous. After changing into normal clothes, he was to do his part with grace and expertise gained through lots of research as well as hose boyish advices from married friends. Suddenly he sensed that something was wrong. She seemed disturbed and was shaking slightly.
“Are you cold? Should I turn the A.C. down honey??
“ No. It isn’t that”. She said in a meek voice after a long silence. “I am just not ready!” and a silent tear rolled down the corner of her eye.
He was shocked! Not even in his worst dreams had he thought of seeing his beloved cry on the first touch. After cajoling the pretty doll some more and not getting the desired response he let go of the grace part and became an animal altogether. He had the societal and religious approval for it so why not then? He put a hand to her mouth firmly; suppressing her slight screams of pain and did it to his best! When he was through she was numb and emotionless. He became fidgety, got up, took his cigarette and started smoking in the balcony making circles in the air. A long silence prevailed. A pregnant silence….
She tried to gather her wits and collect her body.
An hour passed. He came back.
They both slept again with their back against each other.
It was a night they had always dreamt of.
It was a night that they wish they would forget. Now !
What Went Wrong? They both wondered!They used to plan of a life full of love and care. Their dreams seldom touched practicality. When they talked about their life together they seemed to float on a thick cloud of romance. It never occurred to them that the practical life which everyone spoke of around them was not limited to the hassle of home, job, finances and security, but some other things as well which were largely left unspoken. They never thought that the closeness they both yearned for also came with a lot of compromise and a willingness to understand the needs of your partner. Respect is not only for a person’s emotions, mind and body, but for the consequences of one person's basic human desire onto another -which means it needs to be controlled from turning into animal appetite.
This short real-life anti-climax may seem difficult to digest by readers who have yet to attain connubial bliss and they take it as fiction rather than a glaring, staring hard fact of the foundation of marital life. Whether arranged or love marriage a couple has to face this point. Ignorance is not always bliss. No matter how much we love a person this issue cannot be ignored as it is a basic human need. When this is not mutually agreed upon all love is lost that was easily built before marriage. No amount of love and care means more to a woman than the respect a man gives to her body. It is believed that a woman gives her body to get love while a man gives love to get her body. It’s a common complaint that females resist the ‘doing it’ decision on the first night while the male stands bewildered ,having been allowed by moral standards ,thinking, “Wasn’t this the ‘thing’ she also wanted ?”What is pure love then? Does it exist or all love is towards the satisfaction of a basic human desire? Here’s a factual tangent to this topic.
What’s happening in this world is that people are not exactly falling in love. They are confusing infatuation with emotions that are just skin deep. Behavioural experiments have shown that there is no such thing as love-at –first-sight. Infact when people were shown face pics of opposite sex looking at different angles at the camera, the same face was termed more attractive with an in-the-face stare rather than when looking sideways. Meaning we are drawn more towards people who make eye contact irrespective of how really good they actually are. Hence the compatibility part is easily ignored.
As far as the internet scene is concerned you may not even know if the person in pics or in written declaration is the ‘real deal’ or just how he/she wants you to perceive him/her. It can also be that people do continue to adore the person they fall head-over-heels in love with at first sight. However, it can also be that later on they discover that it was actually the style of talking or material well-being that initially attracted them and helped in staying attracted for good! Only if Lady Luck, decides not to be ‘so-lady-like’ and puts them through a trying time do they realize that they never were compatible! One of these utterly non-serendipitous test is that how much you are getting married to a ‘gender’ and how much to a ‘person’. To put it bluntly, whether you want a ‘soul-mate’ or a ‘body-mate’.
This article is an attempt from a girl who is yet to see that point in her life but supplemented with views of her peers and experienced people it forced her to take upon a social issue-a Social Taboo as you may call it. What is taken as animated stories by newly-wed girls and a poking joke by un-eligible bachelors is usually something that is condemned by law. But like most taboos no one accepts it is even there! Yes, we are talking about the grave issue of Marital Rape. A term that makes you grimace just by reading it out. We are not just talking about not using contraceptives and creating unwanted babies without the consent of the ‘body’ which is their first home-that too is one of the issues that may be brought to light later.
"NO" means NO !
Marital Rape means a rape by all means a non consensual attempt that leaves the female not only physically and sexually but emotionally bruised but one in which the male is religiously permitted to do so. But religion, in the twisted sense as it always has been taken, is kept at bay along with the rights of the woman to deal with her body. What happens is when the two people are not comfortable at the climax of their intimacy then it’s likely to creep into their day-to-day affairs too not to mention getting worse in every other similar attempt.
What men don’t understand is that they need to be gentle and to underplay the whole scene with a romantic rather than a sexual outlook. Holding hands, talking, and cajoling all might work, but pressurizing and commanding won’t and once done it would make something die ….deep down inside her forever. She becomes mechanical and starts thinking of her man as a giant municipal truck with its jaws opening and closing to pick the debris that lays ahead-her body. Until her emotions are involved,her body doesn’t ease up or respond in the desired manner. Those who had their bio lessons in high school know what this means precisely. So a tip to remember is ‘Value her emotions’ not ‘your actions’ -or the law comes after you !Well! What the heck? If you are in Pakistan you shouldn’t even be reading this article there’s no red-zone for males.
Now comes the issue of a having a queue of heirs. Men say, “Why not?” Mostly middle-class or less-educated males (forget the illiterate ones) are found with this psycheThey have this dogged belief that a larger family is a proof of their masculinity. As if he gets a star-shaped badge every time the baby-making-machine (trust me there is one in process every hour in your area) is at the hospital for churning out the end-product. Even the well-educated, religiously inclined men say, “Contraceptives are not allowed in religion. Period!”. Well I am not a scholar by any means to give them a backed-up answer. All I ask is “Why not ‘control’ your desires then?? You don’t have to suffer. She does. For you it may just be 9 minutes. For her 9 months! Can’t you see? Can’t u feel? DID YOU EVER TALK TO HER ABOUT IT ?”

Well I once found this aunty-type religious activist telling my mom, “All my boys were in the million march. Oh yeah, all 9 of them. They are going to be Mujahids you know. So the more the merrier!”
Well the last part is right. I have seen their mighty merriment, prancing around and playing hide and seek in the march, running away from Tarawih in the middle, and exploding fireworks on sacred nights! Oh and yes, the occasional fractured hand or bruised leg which they ended up with while fighting off the other non-religious party guys was justified by being termed as Ghazis. Hence sometimes even women try to cover up their huge family by giving shallow justifications. What type of brain set these unattended kids will have and how will they be able to create an image of an educated Muslim is another issue altogether. No wonder some of them are easily brainwashed to spread terror in the name of religion.
Coming back to the actual point it is believed that all procreation is an enhancement of Muslim race so the womenfolk may as well keep their willingness out of the scene. I just have this one question to answer all the claims.” Muslims were in most need of men when they were fighting with kuffars in mekkah. They were in a ratio of 1:3 or maybe less, the Holy Prophet (SAW) had 13 wives, from them only 4 daughters. Can anyone tell me how many sons he had? Or even grandsons (besides the 2 we respect most)? Why doesn’t any religious male quote his lifestyle while discussing kids and all? How he used to treat his women? What he told Muslims to follow for the right of women?”
Post Script:
Women were created to bear children, but they are also physically weaker than men and it is completely permissible in Islam for a woman to take care of her health first in case she suffers after multiple deliveries. The desire of the man is also known and perhaps that is why a man is allowed to have 4 wives. However in times of today when finances are barely enough to support one family, men need to understand that although Muslim women are commanded to obey their husbands by all means, but in any case a wife cannot be abused(hurt) by a man as that is punishable by law and the Almighty.
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BiLo said...

I liked your intent and the emotional sentiments attached to it. I guess your feminine instincts grasp the better of them.
I myself am a true supporter for women's cause, do check out my latest blog on Mukhtar Mai @ http://blog-bilo.blogspot.com/

ahmed said...

"a larger family is a proof of their masculinity". True, there are other dogmas also the "Men" of land of pure suffer from, specially the bourgeois ones. Do write about them also :P
cheers & regards

CATGIRL said...

hey thanx Bilo for liking the article and also for being a supporter of women's cause -being a man yourself. Yes. i will see and FOLLOW ur blog. do u wish to follow/susbcribe to mine to get regular updates? just a humble request :-)

CATGIRL said...

@Ahmed: WOW u r back! Welcome and greetings :-)
Thanks for ur appreciation. and oh yess the burgeoise and their doings in the Land of Pure have been PINNED DOWN real bad in my article (separate blog page)-- "The enlightened city"- the first one on the pinkish horizontal strip after blog description!

Tauqeer said...

I believe you have mixed up too many subjects here, Marital rape, desire to have plenty of kids, marriage in general...

Marital rape is definitely not cordoned by Islam teachings either, as the Prophet(PBUH) said, "There is to be no harm done or reciprocation of harm."

Zee said...

i have read this before too. its a rude awakening!

CATGIRL said...

@ Tauqeer: i did not mix up ANY THING here. the longitude of the post is PROOF enough that i wanted to discuss inter-related sensitive subjects at length and in the same article. thanks for touching by and commenting!

CATGIRL said...

@Zee.. yess dear it was actually a page b4 and now a post.. i really had to increase my posts to qualify for the pre-requistes of any blog competition...will hit u wid one on women's zodiac soon !! :-)) DO READ THAT ONE (although it's based on excerpts from a famous book)!

Syeda Zehra said...

@Cat girl,really you are one big motivator.Wonderful.awesome and truthful post based on truth and nothing else.

CATGIRL said...

Hey Zehra.. Thank u sooo muchh girlie. Am just an executor of thoughts that cross my minds. people like u are my actual motivators who appreciate my scribblings . Can i request u once again to follow my blog? i really need ppl. to hit my blog regularly !!! :-))

Syeda Zehra said...

I'm already a follower but I'll be an active one and will comment on every post and that's a promise..:)
BTY you could do the same..:)

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