What happens when we Give what we Want to -Only!

We all know that a woman loves to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries etc. She always remembers her spouse’s birthday and showers him with all sorts of gifts and affection on his special day. This is what she loved to do, but not what he expected. He may just be ‘mildly pleased’ with that (and earns -50 from his woman). On his turn however, he not only wishes her a day late he also forgets to make her feel grand by not celebrating it the way she imagined it to be (another minus 50 for the man- making it a total of -100).

In this just one situation the woman feels she has given 100% without being asked and still did not get the appreciation she deserved. On the other hand, the man was not so emotional about his birthday and her loving gestures were just an additional burden for him to repay. Hence her giving is of a low value to him without realizing how he has hurt her. Now very soon this man gets a pay-raise and decides to have an exclusive dinner with his Lady. He reserves a table in a grand restaurant and calls her up on the same evening just to give her a surprise only to find out that she has gone to watch a movie with her girlfriends and couldn’t care less for this dinner (maybe just as revenge). For the girl his pay raise ‘mildly pleased’ her as she was not after his money. So she was short of appreciation for him enough to celebrate. She still wished they had wonderful dinner the night of her past birthday.This time around the man feels he has given 100% and has more than made up for his past mistake, but still didn’t get appreciated. So according to the man’s book of rules the woman now gets -100 (-50 for the cancelled reservation and spoiling the mood ,while another -50 for not being too happy like him for the pay raise). Again the man gives what he wanted to give NOT what she wanted or ‘expected’. Hence the vicious circle continues and so does the blame game leading to a slow built up of resentment on both sides- a lava in the making. 

We tend to give what we like to receive or get back while paying little emphasis to what our partner needs as that is of little importance to us. We like to make our partner happy in ‘our own’ ways not how ‘they’ want to be happy. Sounds selfish right??! Hope my point is understood!

 This gives rise to several questions a person asks when left alone after a heated debate.

Will I always be on the giving end?Will my partner keep demanding from me if I accept this time and never pay back the favour?

If I am going to Change my tastes, needs, expectations for my soul mate, will I finally change my whole self?

This leads to another barrage of questions towards the past and future of this relationship. Does (s)he love me at all? If so why does (s)he want me to change ?

Has the love died now and we see each others' true self (initially blurred by the cloud of love) and can’t live together anymore?Is it time for a break-up? Time to move on?

The only safe answer is ------It’s time to think and re-think!!

It’s time to list up all the good/bad and extreme things about each other. But it’s also necessary to give TIME to your partner ALONE. Get some space yourself too. Keep safe distance (total cut-off is detrimental and certainly not necessary if you are too attached). Slowly the negative points you gave to your partner go back to a naught (zero). As you actually compare your partner with other men/women you start handing out positive points on how good your girl/guy had been to you. How they negated their personal values to please you only to see their efforts being ignored by you. You suddenly realize how they changed for you. How innocent their demands were and just a little effort on your part could have added another spark in your relationship igniting it all over again...