I have observed a lot the underlying cause of tensed in-laws relations. And I have come to the conclusion that the single issue in our lives these days is that we do not let people choose freely. This means we try to impose our will on people. This thing has been put in our minds since birth. If we look closely then most women were not granted the power to choose.
Let me give you an example. Imagine our mother-in-law knew how to drive a car . She could have gone to the market to do grocery or picked up our child from school. This would have been a very convenient thing for a working mother. She would have brought money to the table, pursued her interests while catering to the small wishes of her mother-in-law. A mother-in-law who is physically and mentally fit, full of life and positivity can give a lot to her daughter in law.
Now what happens actually is that most mothers have sacrificed their will during their stay with in laws. They were used to obliging to every instruction from not only her husband but his parents as well. This sacrifice is so deeply embedded in her mind that she takes pride in it. Eventually she projects this behaviour on to her daughter in law.
Instead of rectifying the sacrifices she made in the name of being an obedient DIL she follows a pattern and gives example of her sacrifice as something superb and positive. Thus continuing the suppressive cycle.
The age when a woman needs to choose her own lifestyle, have the home budget in her hands, choose how to decorate her bedroom, living room drawing room; decide what should be cooked ,how she wants to educate her children, which area her family should live in, constitute all the things that a woman innately desires. Unfortunately all these things that she was not granted in her ripe days when she was in her 20s even till middle age, she snatches from her daughter in law too. We need to break this pattern and give every woman the freedom to decide when her age is right.
This would be translated into great positivity and then transfer into the next generation where a satisfied mother in law would help her DIL to accomplish her own dreams because she would have gotten those things when it was her age.