"CATGIRL" -Yup! That's Me...!!

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So once again I traverse the deep seas of my innate passion that at times submerges itself beneath a calm n naive facade but is raging n thrashing in the realm of my heart !! And so the mystery of Catgirl unfolds once again to all who are still mesmerized by my perseverance and many more who are yet to be in awe of it !! Catgirl working undercover as a teacher N Blogger henceforth pronounces herself a hard-core feminist !!! A girl out to protect the "woman-cause' in the world of self-loving male; A girl who would do anything she is capable of to restore the image of women which has been tarnished, even in the modern society ! Catgirl Strikes again !!! (my logo since 12 years)

Friday, October 22, 2010

My head-on with Parents !

Hmmm. I have started more like writing randomly-on the spur of the moment- about blog 'coz b4 that i used to plan out, but never got to publish it. It's like after writing out the things going on in my head or rather after the 'emotional lava' contained in my heart has been spilled on the paper, it cools down n dries up -not going to the point of bringing about a fertility in the soil that it eroded while thrashing out of the mountain and into the valley!
This time i once again choose a topic that may as well label me an extremist. I may effectively seem so 'coz my ideas are very conservative in today's modern world!

Ok. I wanted to talk about "teenage independence" related to Muslim families living abroad ! I have seen this distinct streak which clearly stems out from the Christian counterparts of letting the child be on its own a after 18 or even 16. Some decades ago it was only to earn pocket money to spend on buying personal things, but slowly it moved to adulthood activities, late nights, cinemas, nightclubs, getting drunk one-night stands etc . All being said it has nothing to do with our culture or religion. Then why is it that Muslims boys n girls r given independence as soon as they start earning when they r barely out of high school? What is it about getting a $50 note that gives them a license to let go of any boundaries their parents have set? I mean in the face of their parents they say,
" Mom, dad i earn now. So plz no questions about where i m going n when i m returning. I m spending time with my friends tonight"
"Hey. I m a grown up now. i can take good care of myself. I can't sit back following your ridiculous ideas that belong to our conservative, extremist family in Asia. As it is no one over there can see me. What harm is there in going out with a male friend of mine? It's my life. I will live it the way i want!"

I don't know what to say. When these teenagers get out of hands the parents start worrying. Coming late nights, out of their senses, weird materials (drug content) being discovered from their rooms, even weirder punk-style friends making them finally become a drop out or someone with not much good grades.  I hardly know of any person excelling in studies or being on a good post in a Big company like the way it happens in our country. When students excel they are known everywhere being called by good companies. Studies r not taken with that much fervor abroad! You would rarely hear of a family member/ cousin going abroad and being a top grader in the best of schools. To people abroad those govt. schools look so advanced- only 'coz English is the basic medium over there ,but try out the knowledge of any Asian person vs. those 'Lets try out for America's top model"- syndromed college galz n boys there!

These youngsters don't know of Namaz offering properly, they won't know of Qazah namaz, Makrooh timings, Sajda-sahu, importance of Quranic recitation ( besides finishing it once),Wazifas, Wird, Sahabas, the Shariah way of life. why interest/Riba is haraam. Why male female mingling is inappropriate. You may say that youngsters in Pakistan also not follow all this but atleast they Know about it. At least they can be made to understand with arguments. At least they have a base and don't shrink away from Islamic knowledge as if gaining it would make them Talibans!! The outside children only see a distorted version of mainstream Islamic teachings. They think partying, singing, dancing, rocking hard, music, modelling is all there as a gift of God to Muslims when they have offered Juma prayers and kept some Rozas to please their Lord!

  I won't like to leave the Pakistani parents out now. They too r slowly giving way to the Western way of life- "What can we do? The kids don't listen to us . It's alright if our daughter doesn't wear dupatta . Some of  her uni fellows even come in  skirts. At least she is more covered than them"!! Parents .. plzz it's not about comparison of social norms. You cannot live your life doing in Rome what Romans do. That cliche has ofcourse been invented by people not your Holy book. There are females who still wear a head gear and make sure their li'l girls just over 5 yrs wear leggings. They slowly try to bring their girls on the right track. Children will be what you SHOW them to be. For this reason too i don't blame the next generation. increasingly mothers and aunties are seen wearing caprice and flowing material without dupatta or saris showing off their mid-riffs.  when they see such clothes adorn their respected mothers what do you expect them to learn?
Similarly, the sons have been brought up to favour nuclear families instead of joint ones. gone are the days of a crowd of siblings living with their new families in the same grand house. only grandparents live with a couple now. but that too is now being taken in the sense of 'privacy invasion'. The newly-wed wife says "We can't talk around freely. we can't roam around or go for long drive without the disapproving eyes of your parents when we enter late night.". Someone go and ask her if she was allowed that much freedom in her home? and would someone please ask her how she plans on attending weddings or joining back office leaving her still-in-pampers baby? aren't grannies a saviour when the initial marriage fever runs off? But, no even then they are considered a bane and 'progressive , career-oriented moms take PRIDE in discussing how bad their Nanny or maid is; how often they change them or catch them cheating on food items or stealing money !!

I don't know. I blame the parents! The world may not blame you. You can always negate me here. But you know for sure God Almighty up there will ask you atleast of the teachings you instilled in him/her till your child was a minor !


Blue Pearl said...

Nice post. In raising a child, it is important that the parents instil the proper values especially between 2-9 years because this way they develop their personality. Children are so smart that they adopt to their parents style knowing exactly when to manipulate and when not too...but having said that alot of the child's fate is already carved while still in the womb which is why it is important to make dua constantly that our kids grow up with good values and to be good examples as parents (not just modern ones but islamic ones)

bosnishmuslima said...

I have a very controversial point of view on this topic. It occurs because of my biographie and experiences I have made with people arround me....
I was born in a bosnish "liberal" muslim family in Germany. Liberal means that my family was very openminded and not very religious in acting but religion was always a part of our all lives and from my very young age I had a muslim idnetity. Sounds already controversial, doesn't it?
I will try to explain: we are Bosnians means Europeans and throug our history Bosnia had many influences through several occupations (most of influence had the Turks and the Austrian-Hungarian). And related to that fact there is a very mixed mentalaty also today in Bosnia, that the majority of the muslim population also today live a very mixed mentalaty of western and eastern culture. That means that the most bosnish muslims are proud of being muslim, attend Jummah, and fasting and praying in Ramadan.
So this way I raised up, also but in Germany!
As a teenager I had very mixed circle of friends.
I lived a western lifestyle what means going out, parties, alcohol etc. but therein I also had borders where I never went beyond. And I am not proud of it at all! Maybe you won't believe it but I never lost my faith in God, but also did not attend all religious obligations!
The change for me came primary five years ago as my brother got his islamic awakaning at a time where my father was very sick and in the end died with shahada on his lips, subhanallah!
At that time everything changed in my life and I started to pray etc. And since then I am struggling to become a better muslimah with many kickbacks from time to time.... But I love my Creator, Allah s.w.t. soo much and I pray for it that I will reach my goal inshaallah to become a good muqmina..
So far... now I am a mother of a almost nine year old daughter alhamdulillah and we are still living in Germany. It is very hard to raise a child nowadays in the west and it is a big challenge. That is why I wish most to go in an islamic country to live. I am trying to give my best to build up her islamic identity but I also must admit that I am not soo strong as many other muslim families, what means I do not forbid her listening to music, dancing, swimming etc.
Yes, if I take an islamic view of point I'm doin wrong, but I also don't want my child to live isolated and give her all possibilities to flower out herself beside the islamic identity.
But I will try my best to argue her out of doing same things as I did.... I am teaching her of everything important respective to our religion with comprehension.
And I think that is the key; in opposite of muslim families who teach their children kinda this is forbidden and thats forbidden without explaining in advance to give the children the chance to come to own intention not to do something....
I don't say that my way is the best way but in past I also saw many examples, where girls did everything behind their parents backs what partly ended up in a disaster!
It is the best when you have a relationship with your child from the very beginning where comprehension is the base.
I hope you did get me :-S

bosnishmuslima said...

Salma sister,
I wrote over half of an hour a comment and since it was too long I got an error indication and now all of it is gone, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!
I will post it later, sorry...

MuslimFirst said...

Salaam Sis CG -

1. I totally agree with you on the teens/young men and women and I'm not surprised. I trust what you say about those who may be working, feeling more independant and not sticking to values, etc.

Just to add my own experience of witnessing how these next generation kids (like me, whose parents left the motherland to live in a more Western country) behave after a certain age.

You descibe the kids when they are at home, seeing their parents daily or maybe as you say, they don't as they come home after their parents are asleep, etc.

Here, I have seen Pakistani/desi kids in general acting well outside the bounds of our religion and/or culture (the good parts of it mind you, hehe, as we know some aspects of the culture the parents who you mention, are not proper either). To be more specific, these kids who are away from home, have adopted a culture that is neither completely Asian nor completely Western.

They still enjoy the food, media (=Bollywood) and traditions of family that our culture gives us, yet when it comes to their "independant" life, they want what their Western counterparts have. Namely, the illicit premarital relationships and all that they entail - living together, going on trips together and as you can imagine, deceiving their parents about all of their activities - as the latter of course, are trying to check up on their kids to make sure they are "behaving" in the same manner they would expect if they were in their home environment, for the most part at least; afterall, as you say, even those who may be still living at home, have let go of their values with each passing year.

What I have described above, only predisposes to not participating in the other aspects of life, religiously speaking, not attending Salah (Jumu'ah in particular for the guys) and as for the girls, the modest dress goes out the window - this is again, something I am witness to. The setting for this lack of values is the late-night outings on Friday and Saturday (coming home at 3, 4 or 5 in the morning)nights. While they may not be intrinsically doing anything bad/haram(drinking, etc), it is not a good environment for a Muslim (boy or girl).

MuslimFirst said...

This also leads me to, like you CG, to blame the parents. Whether it is them giving in to Western values or not teaching the proper Islamic values, in results in the above - namely their children giving up their dignity (I have to admit, it's the girls that are guilty of this, but I don't think they realize it, but for someone like me, looking from the outside, that is how I feel and I have no problem saying this to them if they were to ask me or if it the opportunity arose, and I have said this once to one girl I know here).

To me, it's almost a bit of a conversion, but just incomplete, as Baba Ali pointed out in this video (Islam vs. culture: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GT3ol-iuCGU) - they don't agree with aspects of their culture and also adopt things from Western culture - they adopt their own, and this is encouraged, as they don't have a good example from their parents in an overall sense.

Coming back to the parents for a second - being firm with your kids, but not just strict for the sake of it. EXPLAIN/DISCUSS with them why you want them to behave a certain way, tell them why it's best for them, make sure Islam is a the key part of it, otherwise, they will say/think that there are these rules that seem constricting and unfair without any value, meaning, and significance and that will only lead to one thing :REBELLION and this will take place without your knowledge and for those who think that your kids are innocent or the bad things you hear are only others' kids - IT'S YOUR KIDS TOO!

Yet, like you said sis, the parents are giving in to Western values. In some cases, they are imposing rules that are not Islamic (esp when it comes to marriage) and thus, their kids go in the complete opposite direction or in other cases, after being too demanding, they give in (daughters refusing to marry, running away/protesting and then parents then saying, they can date, etc as long as the guy is Muslim).

It's been shocking for me to see this, after only hearing about it before and it hurts to see young kids doing this, though I know they are having "fun" that I probably won't have ever (at least not until after marriage and even then, time won't still won't permit other activities/trips, etc) the opportunity to experience.

Anyways, I think those are my thoughts at the moment, insha'allah, will write more after hearing back from you.

Allah Hafiz for now.

Jack said...


My home PC is now working. I will be back tomorrow as there is a lot to catch up.

Take care

Anonymous said...

Well! I wouldn't say I totally disagree with ur views but I don't fully agree with them either.
Living in a non muslim country n keeping urself n ur kids at the right track is a Jihad in itself and I must say that Godfearing families r very courageously doing it.

I have a first hand experience of closely analyzing both types of families.. those who have shed their identity n those who'v embraced it even more tightly.

So, basically, the home enviornment, family values, upbringing and sticking to ur norms(practising ur deen) r major role players in wht the end product would be like.... in this case... the child.

Being away from homeland doesn't mean I m totally oblivious of wht the current social norms r.

If parents/kids who r settled abroad justify themselves for not following basics of religion due to social constraints, wht excuse/ reason can our brothers/sisters, living in our dear homeland,give to follow the west blindly in all ill-aspects? In my humble opinion, this is a more serious issue where religion exists only in the form of the Holy Book perched on a shelf.. shame on us !

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