I really wanted to delve a bit more on my previous topic b/c of the overwhelming response.
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Why are men so absorbed in their mood? I have written on it sweepingly earlier as well - a man wears his mood like his favorite pair of jeans which can as well extend into one whole week. I don’t know why but I go completely SENSELESS when I feel my male counterpart- even just a friend- is withdrawing emotionally. John Grey of “Men are from Mars…” refers to this as the “drawing into his cave” period.
Women are required to understand this phase and not to prod and urge them to talk and share. They won’t. The biggest mistake would be to create an emotional drama and even bigger to feel guilty that his mood is due to something SHE did. No Hun it isn’t YOU! Unless ofcourse he told u that you are the reason or unless u guys had a fight a night earlier. Do u really think that your man is afraid to tell u dat u pissed him off? Oh he will alright! Even if he loves you to the hilt he will tell u what u did wrong. So if he isn't telling anything believe u me YOU are NOT the reason.
Women are required to understand this phase and not to prod and urge them to talk and share. They won’t. The biggest mistake would be to create an emotional drama and even bigger to feel guilty that his mood is due to something SHE did. No Hun it isn’t YOU! Unless ofcourse he told u that you are the reason or unless u guys had a fight a night earlier. Do u really think that your man is afraid to tell u dat u pissed him off? Oh he will alright! Even if he loves you to the hilt he will tell u what u did wrong. So if he isn't telling anything believe u me YOU are NOT the reason.
There is also another side to this phase the “rubber band” stage. When a man and woman become very close to each other- not just physically- but share all details, life, plans, past, future, idiosyncrasies, friends and ofcourse love in their relationship things start heating up. After 3 months the man experiences what is called his 'rubber band' nature. He has given and shared a lot and he feels a bit vulnerable so he needs to pull away- just like a rubber band- in the opposite direction (to you). That is the point when u needs to leave him alone ‘coz that is the point when he will be - unexcited, uninterested, withdrawn- distant!
If you give him the space to experience his pull-back he will gain his real self in some days n come back to u just as u release a fully stretched rubber band – full force ! May the ‘force’ be with YOU J
34 comments:
yeh you are right...men need space too....and this is truly something that a woman need to know "when to stop pushing"...leave the poor soul alone lady...and he will be fine jus after a while...
You Are right Cat girl ..
Though im too young enough to decide your post .. As i've never been into a relationship ..
But It's right ..it's our nature ..
And I even dont know why it's like that .. Psychology maybe ..!
Awesome Posts you write ..
Sometimes i feel like why cant i write like you ..:P
I totally agree abt the SPACE thing :) Every1 should be given space whether a man or a woman.
It is true, beyond a point i want o be left alone too..
So true!!!
Thanks for agreeing Mishi
Shaan: m also not DAT experienced.... r u experienced in those 'trolley pushing maneuvers" for rishta purpose dat a girl goes thru?? NOO rite?? then how can u write for a girl? same here i can write from a man's perspective easily :-)))
Areej n sarah : thanx for ur comments
Perception: ur comments as a man r always valuable on such topics :-))
what a great blog! wonderful post. :) if you are in the mood for some yummy food check out my most recent post. your mouth will water. ;)
follow me?
www.so-hi.blogspot.com
Catgirl,
Read 3 posts now. And all have right advice so well told. Jealousy mars any relationship. In any relationship one of the things which is overlooked is " giving space". It is a must.
Take care
Hi, nice blog. Followed you through my blog. Incidentally I had the same number of followers. I'm following you now. Would you like to be my 180th follower as well?
And yes, I do agree. If I dont have my own space I feel suffocated too!!
*hugs* I completed my MA and now working temporarily. Hahahah! So we are sure to hit off!! Hope to see you around more and I'll definitely hang out here more. :P
I agree with you hun..Everyone need space no matter man or woman.. I always give enough space for my man so that he won't attach with me all the time.. He need some times alone and I need some time alone too.. Great post you have here hun..Keep it up..Your very talented in writing..Very detail and easy to understand..^_^..
Thank you so much for taking you precious time to comment and visit my blog..I follow your blog..^_^..
hahaha...yes you are quite right...men have this tendency :)
ok I get that...but what if after a week or 2 also no contact...and doh the reason is you and that's been told clear cut to you...that you've hurt me ?? huh when how god no idea ?? and its a stringent no calls no messages policy...only i will when i want too..then what to do..? and most importantly the guy is not your boyfriend....off course more than the friend to you but maybe not the same from his side...Madame I hope you could answer this query of mine...it was triggered after reading your current blog post...both part 1 n 2..and it ain't a cooked up fiction the situation is real !
Nice blog though...glad you came to my blog and left your imprints there!!! Hope to see you there more often!
Take Care
somebody is giving reallyyyyyyyy good advice here:-)
Thanku Israr for reading n feedback
..
@Fatima: my dear there's nothign in the world that can make anyone fall in love wid u. so essentially ur case dus not fall into the category of 'relationships' just infatutation.
Howvere, i wud liek to knwo if u guys were friends before? do u fell for his loks or his attitude?
did u hav real good communication, undersatnding, did u laugh/cry together? did he ever say somethign dat showed he is 'more thana friend"??
anyways...teh good news for u is as i read from a r.ship book is whether to know if a man has fallen for u or not is to "REMAIN SILENT FOR 8WHOLE WEEKS"
now transl;ated into practicality this means " no phoen calls, sms.,,nooo FB/MSN status changes shwoing u r there lonely, miserable, suicidal, changing ur ci etc...BLOCK HIm everyyywhere...dun let him get even a breath of u froma third party... n then if he calls widn EXACTLY 6-8 weeks saying he missed u then u can safely say u r special to him (not LOVE)..but yeah special.....
now y the 6-8 week gap...dat i wil tell in my next post on how man's brains operate... :-)))
Very true! Thts how MEN are! Its wise to give thm the space they need before u see the LEAVE ME ALONE lights flashing :)! They are meant to be this way….there is nothing they can do abt it!
You have a really nice blog here... And very enlightening one too I must say :)
first time here...happy to read some wonderful posts. :)
you are very right about the personal space..its sacred!!
Thanx Avec, Joe N sorcerer.... , m glad to see men on my blog so dat i know if i m right or not...
sorry for the late reply but just checked out ur comment. great blog sweets.
First off...never fell for looks nor attitude..forget about all that ! What I wanted to clear with u was... I recently came to know the person concerned "he" is not in contact with the whole lotta people...i mean simply not even a hie, nor a b'day wish when this prsn never forgot anything....and people don't even know where and what is he doing :)
And then it dawned on me...hey I know where he is and what he is doing...I was like shocked and maybe maybe I somewhere now even know the reason for him not talking maybe its due to me and my constant questioning coz somewhere I know whats happening and its worrying me...so maybe if he tells me more I'll worry more...its better to think positive :D
Take Care.
quite true :) Nice read
Weakest Link
Well said again my dear! Shall be interesting when I hit that "Leave me alone" phase - I'll probably start thinking about this blog entry - Allah Forbid! :-)
Just as Shaan bhai says above, no experience, but I just think that is how we are - it's in our nature, just you women have your nature that we have to deal with - but of course, we are rightful partners of each other, to compliment each other, to complete each other, fill each other's defects or rather, hide them. It's nature or as we may like to put it, the way Allah made us. Yet, as you state, it's how we deal with these natural/God-given attrubutes, that will determine where the relationship goes/how it progresses over time - which hopefully, will remain strong or at least, remain in a state where it's very existence is not threatened.
Great two posts!
Rach,Ginger n Nivedita" thank u for thr motivation....:-))
Angie Pink: ur words made me feel like a student n u like a teacher...i lovve those genuien remarks
Jack: u always hi t my blog from time to time n alwayyys read all posts..i can't thank u enuff..
@Fatima: i dont know my dear gal..somethign sounds jsut too fishy...dunno y i feel ur a hopeless romantic (like me)...if a man does nto share n nio one knows about him or wat he 's doing he has a BAD PAST,, n even if u knwo where he is that's coz ur following him.. i really think ur makign MORE of a situation than wat it really is...
i hav been bitten by this type of man before in my teenage..dunno wats ur age now..but don't TAKE/ASSUME hints unless he himself gives them to u ..
don;t think " oh he's suffering in silence...n he will coem to me if i show him love..no one understands hims o i will"...it always ends in u beign hurt!! AH 'FOREVER SILENT' MAN r to be feared wayyy more than aggressive ones!!
Hey there!
Trust me when I say I found myself nodding my head reading this post. Could anyone have said it any better!! and I really gotta thank you as well. I haven't ever experienced the 'rubber band' stage but anything above that is SO true.
Great blog. Keep it coming :)
I don't write as good as so many fellow bloggers but I do have a blog too. Come make a visit
awww..Shruti dear... Thank u so much. men r all teh same isn't it. True dat i got my wisdom from reading relationship books ( i just reproduce the assimilated form here), but ia lso apply it on men around me.
teh Rubber band stage, well it alwayyyys happens. y U havn't experienced it from men is that they must hav been AROUND while giving u small nodding or non-chalant gestures. pulling away dusnt mean that they necessarily run. they mite bw atching Tv wid u in teh same room but not pay much attention to u!
@ Catgirl:...haha don't worry whatever you told is not the case, the thing is just career pressures and all so yes...I'm not worrying its just this post...i wrote so much !
nthng like that :)
Spot on!
Think us women dont always know what to make of it when guys show you lots of attention and then suddenly talk about needing their space. Most women usually end up getting worried at that and arguments start..Whereas if they realised what you said in your post they might still have been together today!
Fatima : wish u alll da best my dear lady :-).
muslimo: thank u so much for the appreciation...:-))
Fatima : wish u alll da best my dear lady :-).
muslimo: thank u so much for the appreciation...:-))
You seem to have read "Men Are from Mars, Women Are From Venus", right?=D
Likey your blog. Followed ya!=D
ezazi ..thank u for following..n if u read my post i mentioned this in my first para that this is state din "men r from mars".. yes i read n still practice dat book!! :-))
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