"CATGIRL" -Yup! That's Me...!!

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So once again I traverse the deep seas of my innate passion that at times submerges itself beneath a calm n naive facade but is raging n thrashing in the realm of my heart !! And so the mystery of Catgirl unfolds once again to all who are still mesmerized by my perseverance and many more who are yet to be in awe of it !! Catgirl working undercover as a teacher N Blogger henceforth pronounces herself a hard-core feminist !!! A girl out to protect the "woman-cause' in the world of self-loving male; A girl who would do anything she is capable of to restore the image of women which has been tarnished, even in the modern society ! Catgirl Strikes again !!! (my logo since 12 years)

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Friends ?

My friendship has always been troublesome for me. I don't put much faith in friends. the problem is Im always there for them especially when they r going through a rough time or need HELP PRACTICALLY, but they are rarely there once there problem is over.
 I used to wake up in nights in my school days helping them, I used to pray for them, i used to laugh wid them, share my lunch wid them, cry over their worries, be happy for their achievements, marriage, kids n many many things. I KNOW coz i have done it. It dus seem awkward to mention it here.. But ppl. forget the li'l things u did for them n they even forget to call..

Khair its been years now. M in my late twenties so all this seems like teenage gibberish, but one thing hasn't changed- I have become judgmental about friends . I start attaching connotations to every thing dat they say something like trying to find a motive behind their sweetness. Just ILL AT EASE...  I just can't relax in their company. I HATE IT when advice is hurled my way. LISTEN YOU...when i m feeling desolate n depressed i don't need that ' i told u so' tone AND i don't need a balance sheet of how u manage ur life n i how i shud have managed mine. HOW can ppl. forget when i lend them an ear in their bad times?

I JUST need u to put faith in me that i will get out of trouble, just LISTEN to me. Ofcourse u cannot change the way things have turned out for me, but u can elevate my mood by JUST BEING THERE. Don't tell me what i did wrong. Ok don't appreciate me either, but right when I m DOWN just BE WITH ME. just curse the one who disturbed me. Don't ask me to change - at least not at that point.
I dunno....Ppl. who criticize me just LOSE IT WID ME... while ppl. who show trust in ME reside in m heart for long...Still i don't believe in friendships...when someone needs me I will go out of my way to help them, cheer them up n definitely pray for them. I m a friend u can rely on in tough times. In moments of joys? I may or may not be there. So u just be there when i need u.
A best friend for me is a good listener, not a critic....YES. when u criticize me something breaks deep down widin me.. n  that broken piece is our BOND ...I don't tell this to ppl. I just slowly cut away n they never know...
Blogger is my best friend..BUSS!!


Maria Maria said...

Hey Nosheen,

I read your post on friends and friendship. I went through similar emotions but when I was around 23ish or so; I quickly learned to detach myself from friends who were needy and didn't listen to my stories when my turn came. Another 'fault' that I found within myself while I introspected was that somewhere I was always trying to please all my friends by being there for them. Subconsciously it may have been for acceptance by them but I was out there trying to lend my shoulder,wipe their tears and practically get nothing in return. It does leave the heart very bitter and one wonders what's the point of such superficial 'hi-bye' relationships or relationships that start existing only on Facebook wall messages specially around birthday times.

The good news is your eyes have been opened and you will not be tricked anymore by pseudo claims of bonding. The bad news you'll find it hard to trust anyone anymore. There is pain involved in accepting one's loneliness but it is very empowering at the same time. Bittersweet. Trust me I've been and done all that for my friends! :)

Nice write up.

Asma Khan said...

Friends are very precious for anybody but the sad truth is that very few of us find true friends in life.
Visit my blog--> Stay Blessed

Kiran Ashraf said...

awww...i know ppl dont really help u in return nomatter what u have done for them...thts life girl and its kinda unfair too but if we survive in all these hardships...we ll be termed as winners and they ll surely be losers.

ateeq mughal said...

u did good, u would get good if not in this world then in the life hereafter.
they did bad they r gonna pay
that's what life teaches
and as far as my friends are concerned they r the family i have chosen myself.

Muhammad Israr said...

perhaps too much expectations makes us feel like this... :)

Shahil said...

Thanks for the comment, it's comforting knowing that even strangers are willing to provide support. =)

I am going to dedicate each day to write something about my problem, and explain the roots of it. Perhaps that will help you to understand why some guys, like me, act the way we do.

Not sure if I can provide more than that.

Shahil said...

Please contact me Catgirl, I need your opinion/help on a situation. My email is shahilsnetwork@gmail.com

Daanish said...

expectations sometime kill friendship,be friend that's it.

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