THAT SHIP !!

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PROLOGUE :
There once was a boat built to carry 2 lovers-a man and a woman-with a rower, some equipment and a safety rope just to travel some distance into the sea. It was a pleasant journey with the sun set high, summer breeze blowing and misty wind tickling the face. For some days the journey went on smoothly like this, both of them enjoying each other's company, uninterrupted. Then, one cold night, the weather started changing and the tides set high. The little boat started wavering and they felt the need for a better boat. Luckily, they reached an island. It was a serene and beautiful spot with plenty of things to enjoy with. Once again, their minds got busy in the frenzy of living in this new discovery.Some months later they got bored of it. They wanted to explore more- go deeper into the sea- to see the raging, thrashing waves and face the highest tides. They wanted to do the impossible; to show the world they can encounter any difficulty with their passion only if they had each other - just the two of them. They now planned to have a proper ship. It took them years of untiring effort to build a solid foundation and a grand structure. It was marvelous to look at. It had more storage for food, equipment; space for comfort, better navigational tools and luxuries. They became busy in decorating and managing their own parts of the ship only to realize they were lost in their own worlds months later. Too busy life. They didn’t know what was missing from their lives.What went wrong? When they suddenly realized this they started blaming each other while crediting their own self for putting in enormous amount of money, time and efforts to create this ship painstakingly. Both of them felt they had sacrificed more of their personal pleasure and comfort for this Grand ship, not ready to accept the part played by their partner. They also forgot that the parts they embellished were of their own choice, for their own luxury, not for the other person. Hence, they appeared selfish to their partners in these endeavours. When finally exhausted after arguments, they secretly wondered, “Will this ship that they took years to build serve its purpose?”
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Relationships are just like this. They start small, but are so vibrant in the beginning when we want to explore one another and set out on a journey to reach the horizons that we always dreamt of exploring with someone ‘special’. The soul mate connection is there. Similar tastes, similar likes/dislikes. The world seems like heaven and the soul feels blessed. It is only when a particular landmark is reached, we start missing what we left behind. Maybe we are not able to adjust to our new selves, transformed earlier to make the relationship progress. This is actually a point in our lives, some months down the road, that we are no longer able to contain the anxieties created in us by a clash of practical and romantic life.

The pressure starts building up. The home that was built of precious dreams and priceless efforts suddenly seems so small that we even feel claustrophobic in our house as we just get to see one more person all the time. We tend to ‘pick’ on each other. The habits of our partners that were once refreshing seem to clash with our own interests. We have loads of problems followed by heated arguments. No one is ready to compromise. Each expects the other to bow down first. Rules get broken, egos clash and it all turns into a Hurt and Ruin (something like Hit and Run) scenario.

Let’s analyze this scenario closely and try to identify the culprits!!!
In a relationship usually the first inclination after an argument is to weigh down the whole deal in terms of give and take. Each person thinks he/she is giving more and receiving less. Both of them willingly give more to a relationship in the beginning.
Strange enough that in itself might be selfish. Why? You might ask? Is it really true that what you did to please the other person was their request or pleasure too? Could it be that what you did was something that you wanted him/her to imitate while downplaying your partner’s actual personal likes/dislikes? Let’s take an example here.
We all know that a woman loves to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries etc. She always remembers her spouse’s birthday and showers him with all sorts of gifts and affection on his special day. This is what she loved to do, but not what he expected. He may just be ‘mildly pleased’ with that (and earns -50 from his woman). On his turn however, he not only wishes her a day late he also forgets to make her feel grand by not celebrating it the way she imagined it to be (another minus 50 for the man- making it a total of -100).

In this just one situation the woman feels she has given 100% without being asked and still did not get the appreciation she deserved. On the other hand, the man was not so emotional about his birthday and her loving gestures were just an additional burden for him to repay. Hence her giving is of a low value to him without realizing how he has hurt her. Now very soon this man gets a pay-raise and decides to have an exclusive dinner with his Lady. He reserves a table in a grand restaurant and calls her up on the same evening just to give her a surprise only to find out that she has gone to watch a movie with her girlfriends and couldn’t care less for this dinner (maybe just as revenge). For the girl his pay raise ‘mildly pleased’ her as she was not after his money. So she was short of appreciation for him enough to celebrate. She still wished they had wonderful dinner the night of her past birthday.This time around the man feels he has given 100% and has more than made up for his past mistake, but still didn’t get appreciated. So according to the man’s book of rules the woman now gets -100 (-50 for the cancelled reservation and spoiling the mood ,while another -50 for not being too happy like him for the pay raise). Again the man gives what he wanted to give NOT what she wanted or ‘expected’. Hence the vicious circle continues and so does the blame game leading to a slow built up of resentment on both sides- a lava in the making. 

We tend to give what we like to receive or get back while paying little emphasis to what our partner needs as that is of little importance to us. We like to make our partner happy in ‘our own’ ways not how ‘they’ want to be happy. Sounds selfish right??! Hope my point is understood!
 This gives rise to several questions a person asks when left alone after a heated debate.

Will I always be on the giving end?Will my partner keep demanding from me if I accept this time and never pay back the favour?

If I am going to Change my tastes, needs, expectations for my soul mate, will I finally change my whole self?

This leads to another barrage of questions towards the past and future of this relationship. Does (s)he love me at all? If so why does (s)he want me to change ?
Has the love died now and we see each others' true self (initially blurred by the cloud of love) and can’t live together anymore?Is it time for a break-up? Time to move on?

The only safe answer is ------It’s time to think and re-think!!
It’s time to list up all the good/bad and extreme things about each other. But it’s also necessary to give TIME to your partner ALONE. Get some space yourself too. Keep safe distance (total cut-off is detrimental and certainly not necessary if you are too attached). Slowly the negative points you gave to your partner go back to a naught (zero). As you actually compare your partner with other men/women you start handing out positive points on how good your girl/guy had been to you. How they negated their personal values to please you only to see their efforts being ignored by you. You suddenly realize how they changed for you. How innocent their demands were and just a little effort on your part could have added another spark in your relationship igniting it all over again
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Hence with this new found realization the 2 souls finally search for each other on the desert island where their ship was anchored. It takes a while to rediscover each other. There is some hesitation, apprehension and even excitement over the better avenues the 2 can reach now. One soul moves towards the other-slow yet determined steps that vow to bury the hatchet in the sands of this island never to be uncovered. Together they board the ship once again, hand in hand standing near the railing, absorbing the dewy sea breeze on their faces while seeing the sun set in to give way to a beautiful night ahead
............................................. The BEAUTIFUL End ..........................................................