"CATGIRL" -Yup! That's Me...!!

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So once again I traverse the deep seas of my innate passion that at times submerges itself beneath a calm n naive facade but is raging n thrashing in the realm of my heart !! And so the mystery of Catgirl unfolds once again to all who are still mesmerized by my perseverance and many more who are yet to be in awe of it !! Catgirl working undercover as a teacher N Blogger henceforth pronounces herself a hard-core feminist !!! A girl out to protect the "woman-cause' in the world of self-loving male; A girl who would do anything she is capable of to restore the image of women which has been tarnished, even in the modern society ! Catgirl Strikes again !!! (my logo since 12 years)

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Marry-Go-Round

Prologue:
So here’s definitely a pun intended at the famous “Merry-go-round”- as our marriages so often twirl in this fashion it really seems like a mArry-go-round! Marriages are solemnized in Pakistan and celebrated abroad. Whoa! Mocking isn’t it? Well then equally disturbing are the real life dramas that compelled me to diagnose the epidemic that’s engulfing our society like an octopus!

The Story :
Amina, 26 was all glowing when told by her parents that the neighbour khala acted as a mediator and proposed a suitor, Kashif living in US. With their daughter already above marriageable age, the parents took no time in saying  a ‘yes!’ enthusiastically. The wedding; the immigration; and the return to Pakistan of Amina alone. Kashif lived with a foreigner and had a kid with her and Amina had stories of humiliation to tell.
Farah,22 was a newly employed school teacher when a party came with the proposal of Aslam,28 - their green card holder son- flashing the picture of a young, handsome man earning dollars! The Nikah had to be performed on telephone so that the documents could me made and Aslam could take her wife immediately after wedding. It did happen. The handsome, picture-perfect groom came on stage- a man in early 40s- ofcourse not everyone puts his latest picture on his resume’.
In some cases the foreign-fever gulps down not only just a couple, but whole families who are inter-related. For instance, Hina got married to a mystery man in UK who went abroad after his Nikah and cut all contact with the bride’s family- completely vanished. Her elder brother Shakeel could not marry his beloved fiancé Ayesha without first marrying off Hina whose case kept getting delayed. Hence, Ayesha was forced into arrange marriage to pave way for her sister who were also of marriageable age.
These and other incidents make one question the worth of an eligible, employed bachelor in Pakistan against a Paki McDonald waiter abroad. A girls’ fate is decided between these 2 extremes and the latter is chosen without hesitation. Why such double standards when everyone is out to weave speech of hatred against the treatment meted out to Muslims abroad? Why do people not form a queue here, but agree to clean tables abroad? Why do girls refuse an Asst. Manager in Pakistan, but accept a telemarketer working abroad? Is it red money vs. green money? No! It’s Rs.1/- vs. Rs.80/- .                                                   The bride’s parents do a thorough search for a Pakistani groom, inquiring from offices, neighbours, far-off relatives etc. of his family, but if the boy resides abroad they agree to perform the Nikah on phone within weeks- no investigation, no hesitation- just pure delight that their daughter is off to the brightest future among all cousins. The future, they know not, in essence is linked to the past- the girl’s education, upbringing and social setup. Same goes for the boy. If he had been mere intermediate, of a shady character, or on the other side belongs to a rich family that reeks of black money then the future holds turmoil one way or the other.


Sometimes very educated, well-to-do families commit blunders that play havoc with their daughter’s lives. There’s not just the monetary factor (if that was the sole criteria all rich families would be living a blissful life) but cultural and even religious factors to consider for not only the concerned couple but also the generations to come. Unless the couple chooses to “Do in Rome as Romans do”, they are destined to be mentally disturbed and devoid of their values. At the same time they remain second grade citizens tagged as the brown Pakis. Years later their children become heirs to this unsolicited foreign souvenir. 
At other times girls are given to a divorcee, widower or a much older man. While parents play a leading role in arranging the marriage as they have other daughters to marry off, there are cases where quite sensible girls happily said “yes” to the $ sign and tied all hopes to the jobs they would be undertaking once settled abroad. Then there’s the tendency to show off hinting at a gradually developing superiority complex. But after sometime they are usually seen supporting their kids rather than their careers.

Post Script:


The painful reality is that an eligible bachelor has no problem in marrying a career-oriented foreigner so why did he choose you? Well nannies are quite expensive abroad and day care facilities are not sufficient so why not marry an all-in-one Pakistani “shareef’ girl? If this blunt truth stings too much then at least educated girls should know that if a local male with honor-laden mentality never allows you to do a job, how can you expect the opposite from a foreign Paki who is self sufficient in every respect? Double standards again!  
Hence everything boils down to the fact that while choosing a son-in-law the girl’s parents should look to the qualities that really make him capable of being a ‘son’. Qualities that are more humane and lasting like character, education, family background, lifestyle etc. and not just superficial values gauged on a monetary scale. With that being done sensibly and honestly, a girl can remain just as happy in Pakistan as in any foreign country! Even Afghanistan!
Or is that corny again?

24 comments:

karachikhatmal said...

"one question the worth of an eligible, employed bachelor in Pakistan against a Paki McDonald waiter abroad."

my wife's thesis is on pakistani women who live abroad, and one of the main findings is that women abroad get cut off not only due to the language barrier (which their husband and children know) but also because they can't leave their houses, which both their kids (school) and husbands (jobs) can. thus even if the guy isn't 40 or married to a gori, its still a tough life. as you say, it needs a good man, regardless of the society.

Salman! said...

Do you even understand love? http://bit.ly/cQyI7z

Bea said...

i really like the way u took to this sensitive topic..
u r rite.. this foreign fever is really engulfing our society.. i dnt understand why people think like that.. its really sad..

MuslimFirst said...

Once again, spot on! A very sad state of affairs indeed.

Najwa Pervin said...

You're so true there ! I've seen many people like these around me, who'd just mindlessly give away their daughters hand to a non-desi desi ! And then rejoice, its a total gamble, sometimes it works out at other times, it doesnt !

And there's another side to the story, a green card holder girl in the US marrying a guy from Pakistan only to findout that he married her just for the green card and divorced her the moment he stepped into the land of oppurtunities !! Mean mean people !

Meher....all out to explore..!! said...

thats a sorry state.And very well written.
I wonder,what makes families queue up for guys having a meagre job abroad.
Very well written. :)

Muhammad said...

yea..very true! guess we think the same way....

*Farah Pop* said...

...this is SO true...marriage is about status nowadays...especially in pakistan, its about who earns the most..whos going abroad to get a supposedly 'better' life...'tis ridiculous...what happened to marrying someone for who they are and how well you get one and what your relationship is like...not what your parents think and want to boast about at the next family get together!...i love your writing, its amazing and so very honest...mash'Allah...<3 x x x

Syeda Zehra said...

Lovely and honest post.
You really Do have an eye for such thinGs.

Tauqeer said...

Very interesting post and very well written. I totally agree with your opinion, and As Islam advocates, women should be given free and fair choice to make up their mind about whom they are getting married. I think that would also play important role in getting rid of such 'shady' proposals.
As longs as meagre jobs are concerned, lets keep that topic for another day :)

CATGIRL !! said...

@kk:wowww..that's the first comment i ever got tht is ACTUALLY realted to my blog post. wud lovve to see ur wife's thesis. or most probably its like a hypothesis? thats has not materialised on paper?? thx for comments though!!

@bea, Muslim First,Meher, Syeda Zehra: You guys made my day. i hope i don't get a bloated head out of these generous comments ;PPP

Bilal": i reallly am glad we think the same way although i don't expect this coming from a boy!

CATGIRL !! said...

Najwa: i so agree wid u on the other side of the picture. My heart goes out to those foreign women who get bowled over by our pakis to get visa!
@Farah: welcome to my blog Janam :-)))...and seriously i dint think u were from pakistan..hehehe
@tauqeer" u alwayyys give intellectual comments but u always hav issues wid how many topics i discuss in one post....lolzz !!

Jack said...

Catgirl,

An eyeopener and factual post. Hope people do realise follies of such acts and do what makes their daughters or sisters happy.

Take care

TLW said...

When you say that a girl's fate is decided between two extremes that sadly captures the level of nuance in our society (or the lack thereof). And when combined with the opportunistic streak that doesn`t just run through all Pakistanis, but is cultivated and encouraged by societal and political attitudes, well then you get girls married abroad at the slightest whiff of a foreign citizenship.

It would be funny if it weren`t so true, but what else can we say when some parents play with their daughter`s future.

Are the stories of these girls true? Or are you worried that some girls you know nearing graduation are about to befall this fate?

CATGIRL !! said...

TLW: welcome to my blog and thx for the fine comments.
p.s. the stories r true in essence (means all thru my life i hav heard them one way or the other), but here the names,ages n backgrounds hav changed though the results have been same in manyy situations!!

pH_the princess said...

hey liked the crackers :) nice post !

Reenie said...

Sad, but I too have seen it happening. I have had many friends from Pakistan, and so far- I am in Australia, and I had some Pakistani male friends. I cannot dispute that it happens.

However, I think the main problem is in the notion that one needs to settle for arranged marriage.. But that's my view and anyone is free to disagree.

Muhammad Wasif Javed said...

An eyeopener for families who blindly give their daughters or sisters to someone just because he is living abroad without doing the necessary checking. Plus I've seen few of my colleagues (both genders) whom while getting married have given more importance to status not character so we people have become materialistic now a days.

zain said...

I totally agree with this part "Qualities that are more humane and lasting like character, education, family background, lifestyle" More emphasis should be on the religious matters like does the person pray 5 times a day and firstly know the family background and things like that, marriages based on these things are much more healthy and long lasting

CATGIRL !! said...

PH_princess..thanks dear
Reenie: yup.. i think arranged marriages can be a problem, but when teh dollar sign gets weaved in front of our eyes..we instantly fall in 'love at first sight'!!
Wasif N Zain: thanks a lot for visiting my blog and agreeing wid me :-)

Muhammad Fahad said...

kisi ki birthday ramzan mein he kyun aati hai :D
shit phir cake nahi milega :)

Aazar ali shad said...

What Happened nosheen? Family emergency? Is everything alright?

CATGIRL !! said...

fahad.i almost forgot my b.day :-((

AAzar: u mite hav see nabeel's status on sunday? a cousin of our diagnosed wid leukemia !he is under treatment now though!

Muhammad Fahad said...

sad to hear about ur cousin may Allah give him health.
koi baat nahi abhe 10 days hain....
kahan karaogi iftari :P

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