Marry-Go-Round

Prologue:

So here’s definitely a pun intended at the famous “Merry-go-round”- as our marriages so often twirl in this fashion it really seems like a mArry-go-round! Marriages are solemnized in Pakistan and celebrated abroad. Whoa! Mocking isn’t it? Well then equally disturbing are the real life dramas that compelled me to diagnose the epidemic that’s engulfing our society like an octopus!

The Story :

Amina, 26 was all glowing when told by her parents that the neighbour khala acted as a mediator and proposed a suitor, Kashif living in US. With their daughter already above marriageable age, the parents took no time in saying  a ‘yes!’ enthusiastically. The wedding; the immigration; and the return to Pakistan of Amina alone. Kashif lived with a foreigner and had a kid with her and Amina had stories of humiliation to tell.

Farah,22 was a newly employed school teacher when a party came with the proposal of Aslam,28 - their green card holder son- flashing the picture of a young, handsome man earning dollars! The Nikah had to be performed on telephone so that the documents could me made and Aslam could take her wife immediately after wedding. It did happen. The handsome, picture-perfect groom came on stage- a man in early 40s- ofcourse not everyone puts his latest picture on his resume’.

In some cases the foreign-fever gulps down not only just a couple, but whole families who are inter-related. For instance, Hina got married to a mystery man in UK who went abroad after his Nikah and cut all contact with the bride’s family- completely vanished. Her elder brother Shakeel could not marry his beloved fiancé Ayesha without first marrying off Hina whose case kept getting delayed. Hence, Ayesha was forced into arrange marriage to pave way for her sister who were also of marriageable age.

These and other incidents make one question the worth of an eligible, employed bachelor in Pakistan against a Paki McDonald waiter abroad. A girls’ fate is decided between these 2 extremes and the latter is chosen without hesitation. Why such double standards when everyone is out to weave speech of hatred against the treatment meted out to Muslims abroad? Why do people not form a queue here, but agree to clean tables abroad? Why do girls refuse an Asst. Manager in Pakistan, but accept a telemarketer working abroad? Is it red money vs. green money? No! It’s Rs.1/- vs. Rs.80/- .                                                   The bride’s parents do a thorough search for a Pakistani groom, inquiring from offices, neighbours, far-off relatives etc. of his family, but if the boy resides abroad they agree to perform the Nikah on phone within weeks- no investigation, no hesitation- just pure delight that their daughter is off to the brightest future among all cousins. The future, they know not, in essence is linked to the past- the girl’s education, upbringing and social setup. Same goes for the boy. If he had been mere intermediate, of a shady character, or on the other side belongs to a rich family that reeks of black money then the future holds turmoil one way or the other.

Sometimes very educated, well-to-do families commit blunders that play havoc with their daughter’s lives. There’s not just the monetary factor (if that was the sole criteria all rich families would be living a blissful life) but cultural and even religious factors to consider for not only the concerned couple but also the generations to come. Unless the couple chooses to “Do in Rome as Romans do”, they are destined to be mentally disturbed and devoid of their values. At the same time they remain second grade citizens tagged as the brown Pakis. Years later their children become heirs to this unsolicited foreign souvenir. 
At other times girls are given to a divorcee, widower or a much older man. While parents play a leading role in arranging the marriage as they have other daughters to marry off, there are cases where quite sensible girls happily said “yes” to the $ sign and tied all hopes to the jobs they would be undertaking once settled abroad. Then there’s the tendency to show off hinting at a gradually developing superiority complex. But after sometime they are usually seen supporting their kids rather than their careers.

Post Script:

The painful reality is that an eligible bachelor has no problem in marrying a career-oriented foreigner so why did he choose you? Well nannies are quite expensive abroad and day care facilities are not sufficient so why not marry an all-in-one Pakistani “shareef’ girl? If this blunt truth stings too much then at least educated girls should know that if a local male with honor-laden mentality never allows you to do a job, how can you expect the opposite from a foreign Paki who is self sufficient in every respect? Double standards again!  
Hence everything boils down to the fact that while choosing a son-in-law the girl’s parents should look to the qualities that really make him capable of being a ‘son’. Qualities that are more humane and lasting like character, education, family background, lifestyle etc. and not just superficial values gauged on a monetary scale. With that being done sensibly and honestly, a girl can remain just as happy in Pakistan as in any foreign country! Even Afghanistan!

Or is that corny again?