At weddings whenever I meet any hefty aunty, quite oblivious of her extreme ‘gravitational pull’ on this earth, and who thinks it’s her duty to put unmarried girls in complex…
She: “Oh my God, what happened to your face? Haven’t you seen a good doc?”
Me: Yeah. I did recently
She: What did he say?
Me: He said u have only 2 weeks left to live. It’s incurable !
Me: Yeah. I did recently
She: What did he say?
Me: He said u have only 2 weeks left to live. It’s incurable !
***********
Occasionally these aunties poke me at weddings, pointedly saying, “You are next. Don’t worry!”
I just search them out at funerals, and when they are crying over the demise of a beloved, I poke them in the ribs saying, “Don’t worry. You are next!” :DDD ( ok….this one is copied!!)
*******************
When the food tables are opened up for guests at a Pakistani wedding- a stampede occurs. At those times when any heavy aunty puts her heels on mine to get hold of the serving spoon, stifling a scream of frustration I go like, “It’s ok aunty. Aap lay lain. Main tau her roze khana khati hoon !”*******************
Some women suffer from a deeply embedded superiority complex. They want to show to the world when they have bought the newest lawn –suit displayed on the catalogue front or that new variety of shoes at EBH. When I take a look at them I can never decipher the reason for their purchase. EBH casual shoes are the ugliest (though comfortable- but still not worth the money)- I just pity those ladies.
Whenever those flowing dresses with exaggerated flare and side-tails are adorned by heavy ladies, my bro goes like “Oh my God! they forgot to change out of their bath-robe!”
Guy: I would like to take you out for dinner.
Me: Oh so soon? No I don’ like such advances after only a few chats!
Guy: Mind you it’s not a date. I am pretty broad-minded, and you are just my female friend!
Me: Oh right then. My bro is sick of broken relationships. Can I give him your sister’s cell no. so they too can enjoy each other’s company?
**************
At times when guys try to flirt with meGuy: I would like to take you out for dinner.
Me: Oh so soon? No I don’ like such advances after only a few chats!
Guy: Mind you it’s not a date. I am pretty broad-minded, and you are just my female friend!
Me: Oh right then. My bro is sick of broken relationships. Can I give him your sister’s cell no. so they too can enjoy each other’s company?
…..and there goes the broad-minded fella..Whooshh!!
much a girl has studied or learnt, she must know how to cook and do household chores. Am telling you now is the time to prepare before you get married.. You Know when i was 14, I knew how to....
*******************
(on MSN)
Aunty jee: So beta..now u hav done ur MBA..How about learning to cook?
Me(holding breath): yeah...one of my friend is going to a 'cooking center. so maybe I will join it sometime soon.
Aunty Jee( expressively): Oh..You must!!!! You know no matter how
much a girl has studied or learnt, she must know how to cook and do household chores. Am telling you now is the time to prepare before you get married.. You Know when i was 14, I knew how to....Me(trying to search for Aspirin)..:Oh aunty . Mom is calling. gotta go for dinner. Talk to u later...salam to everyone...Take careeee!!
*Aunty jee blocked*
Thank God. It's over!(chatting and telling to another friend of my recent escape from the dungeon! )
Thank God. It's over!(chatting and telling to another friend of my recent escape from the dungeon! )
28 comments:
lol crazy girl, love your dialogue on the acne saga's. Best thing to do (as i personally have this issue ever so now and then):
(1) Drink loads of water
(2) If you skin is oily, stop all products and just use a soap and water to clean. This really helped me. Infact I have one soap that I am using for two months now.I'll get the name for you.
(3) Try to stay away from make-up at least for a week, get lots of sleep and keep washing your face, you will see such a drastic change.
(4) You are beautiful with or without acne - relax and dont think about it soo much.
Great ..
Number 2 was a kinnda sms i got a few days back ..!
Besides that Heel and khaane waala part was great .. !
And that Blocking the AUnty ..Hahaha same is what i do when i find it difficult to fight the circumstances .. !
But well I Like such Posts .. Keep Posting Good !
Good day :)
Sallams !
And Yea I'm happy that You removed that Pic of Lava from your Blog ..Your Blog Looked so messy...
And Btw it's so bad that i cant see my comments the moment i post them ..
Why have you set it that way that they need approval before being posted ..
Be Straight-Forward and transparent .. I Hope You'r getting me :)
Awww..my precious pearl..thanx for those pearls of wisdom!!
i follow no 1,3 and believvve in no.4(thanx to my perfect figure) .. but i dooo think about it toooooo much!!.so much so that half of my acne is due to pre-acne stress!!
but i think no.2 advice is bestt...am too much on topical medications :-(((...so i will follow this one :-)))
cat girl.. u r insane! n crazy... n awesome :P
oh Shaan...ur comments bring 'shaan' to my dismal emotional- lava world :PPP
yup. no.2 was copied,..n last one is an extension of something..but the guy-chat one happened wid me exactly a month back. :SSSS
and about transparency and all...yeah i nevvva deleted a comment except that some stalker was viewing all my posts and saying my whole blog was unimpressive, bad and blah- blah. so b4 he srtared becoming abusive i blocked anonymous posts..but then thought better n moderated the comments...i hate it myself..buttt :-(((
n thank u sooo much for reading all my posts and 'all of' my posts:-)
@Sid: Thanx for commenting n appreciating!! i was wondering how to say thanx to u for becoming a follower. THanx jee :-))
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I like the flirt one. And the Mai to roz kha laity hun wala:D
Awesome .........9/10 :D
Loved it. Let me share :D
haan kerlo share...u can post it to ur blog if u like...i dun mind !! THnx for lovin' it :-))
the 2nd one was an sms i receieved quite some time ago, but all were very funny, u shud do write more of these funny posts, i enjoyed it lot! 10/10
hahaha :D this is a lovely post.. well i would say i hate aunties and i avoid them as much as i can.
Salaam alaikum dear one, Just dropping by to say رمضان كريم, May Allah make your fasts the fasts of those who fast sincerely, Inshallah. Barakallah feek
PS: I forgot to check the name of the soap.lol.
rofl awesome post :P i loved "theek hai aunty aap le lain main to ro khaati hoon" hahaha
following you now
LOOOOOL! Those stories were funny, but I know, too often the reality as well. My poor Behnu-ji!
That "You're next" line, I've heard that somewhere before, but it was still just as funny this time around!
Yeah, that must be annoying for you ladies, to be bothered by aunties about your marriage, etc. I mean, of course it's a great thing, but to be pushed and pressured makes it unpleasant for even someone who may be eager to find their other half. My sympathies Bili-ladki!"
As for the unwanted advances/flirtations - I don't get it - I mean I know the dating (despite it not being proper) and living in thing is becoming openly popular (without shame on the guy and girl's part), I don't see how guys can do such things, especially when they have sisters of their own. Double standard! Then, the parents also encourage their sons or at least look the other way - let them hit on girls, but tell their daughters to stay put - again DOUBLE STANDARD! So their sons can mess around with someone else's daughter while their own daughter doesn't have a choice??? I grew up with 4 cousin-sisters and even though they might be more liberal than me, I treat girls, Muslim especially, as if they were my own sister - and of course, they are my sisters in Faith, but I try my best to show them respect, look-out for them as best I can, while respecting the limits of being non-mahram. Shame on guys like the one you describe!
Great post Sis!
PS One of my first "loves" was Michelle Pfieffer (she played cat-woman in an early Batman film), so kinda funny that one of my cool Sista's calls herself "catgirl" hehe. Keep up the good wrok my dear!
Hello Catgirl!
Can I just say that you are hillarious, and I LOVED this post...so I will definitely become a follower! I love that you are so honest and forward about things, and something I am definitely learning how to be.
Thanks for the comment on my blog! It is greatly appreciated!
Darah
Hey! Just checked your blog. It's awesome seriously. Loved it. Keep writing and entertaining us like this!
Cat Girl,
Got your link from your comment. Read few current posts. Absolutely true about Relationships, Good collections of songs of 80s and 90s. Hard facts in Visa one. Still chuckling on Crackers. Hope to read more and more from you.
Take care
PS : Do visit me if you find time.
I just read ur comment on my posts... am sorry i wasnt cumin online for last few days.. well u r an amazing writer.. and i wud luv to follow u..
<3
This was just HILLLLLAAARIOUS!
I am sometimes pissed about how well-off families attack food as if they dont get it at home...shame on us...But to piss them off i always hold on to the SPOON and dont let them take it *devilish grin*
awesome
and hey, you should check out this new blog my group made on Pakistan
http://pakistaniatzindabad.blogspot.com/
HAHAHAHAHA Funny shit. And thanks i gueess :)
Haha! Your blog is so verbose and I so love it! Definitely following you!
*continues devouring The Emotional Lava!*
My Blog
Hey View My Blog !
First of all a GRAND WELCOME to all my new followers.
Ani. Darah, Wajiha, Jack, Bea, AL,Urooba
Thanks a lot for joining my blog. You have made me soo happy… see :-DDDDDD
Do keep visiting or commenting on my blog!
Thanks again.
MF: yup..u r soo right. we have double-standards woven all around us :-(((
(Ozzy: yup i will touch ur blog soon. my key board wanst working so took sooo long to reply here...
Candid post...
We are witnessing a great feminist writer in the process of been discovered..:)
LOL i absolutely loved this post- made me laugh soo much. Ive a little acne problem too the doc has given me some gel inshallah it will clear up soon :))
hey Catty :)
so your post proved to be a stress buster for me! :) Thanks hun :)
wese before commenting i thought twice because I was scared of a counter attack from your side :P
PS: That soap is called SAStid
Really crazy and light and spontaneous stuff... love it!!!
Post a Comment