In this just one situation the woman feels she has given 100% without being asked and still did not get the appreciation she deserved. On the other hand, the man was not so emotional about his birthday and her loving gestures were just an additional burden for him to repay. Hence her giving is of a low value to him without realizing how he has hurt her. Now very soon this man gets a pay-raise and decides to have an exclusive dinner with his Lady. He reserves a table in a grand restaurant and calls her up on the same evening just to give her a surprise only to find out that she has gone to watch a movie with her girlfriends and couldn’t care less for this dinner (maybe just as revenge). For the girl his pay raise ‘mildly pleased’ her as she was not after his money. So she was short of appreciation for him enough to celebrate. She still wished they had wonderful dinner the night of her past birthday.
This time around the man feels he has given 100% and has more than made up for his past mistake, but still didn’t get appreciated. So according to the man’s book of rules the woman now gets -100 (-50 for the canceled reservation and spoiling the mood ,while another -50 for not being too happy like him for the pay raise). Again the man gives what he wanted to give NOT what she wanted or ‘expected’. Hence the vicious circle continues and so does the blame game leading to a slow built up of resentment on both sides- a lava in the making.
Coming back to square one it makes the main Point clear.
We tend to give what we like to receive or get back while paying little emphasis to what our partner needs as that is of little importance to us. We like to make our partner happy in ‘our own’ ways not how ‘they’ want to be happy. Sounds selfish right??! Hope my point is understood!
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