They now planned to have a proper ship. It took them years of untiring effort to build a solid foundation and a grand structure. It was marvelous to look at. It had more storage for food, equipment; space for comfort, better navigational tools and luxuries. They became busy in decorating and managing their own parts of the ship only to realize they were lost in their own worlds months later. Too busy life. They didn’t know what was missing from their lives. What went wrong? When they suddenly realized this they started blaming each other while crediting their own self for putting in enormous amount of money, time and efforts to create this ship painstakingly. Both of them felt they had sacrificed more of their personal pleasure and comfort for this Grand ship, not ready to accept the part played by their partner. They also forgot that the parts they embellished were of their own choice, for their own luxury, not for the other person. Hence, they appeared selfish to their partners in these endeavours. When finally exhausted after arguments they didn’t feel the need to move forward and they wondered, “Will this ship that they took years to build serve its purpose?”
Relationships are just like this. They start small, but are so vibrant in the beginning when we want to explore one another and set out on a journey to reach the horizons that we always dreamt of exploring with someone ‘special’. The soul mate connection is there. Similar tastes, similar likes/dislikes. The world seems like heaven and the soul feels blessed.
It is only when a particular landmark is reached, we start missing what we left behind. Maybe we are not able to adjust to our new selves, transformed earlier to make the relationship progress. This is actually a point in our lives, some months down the road, that we are no longer able to contain the anxieties created in us by a clash of practical and romantic life.
The pressure starts building up. The home that was built of precious dreams and priceless efforts suddenly seems so small that we even feel claustrophobic in our house as we just get to see one more person all the time. Otherwise, the same environment, same daily routine may get us feeling utterly bored.
Left without any other person to turn to, we let out all our frustrations on just one being, unreasonably blaming each other for the inconsistencies in our lives. We tend to ‘pick’ on each other. The habits of our partners that were once refreshing seem to clash with our own interests. We have loads of problems followed by heated arguments. No one is ready to compromise. Each expects the other to bow down first. Rules get broken, egos clash and it all turns into a Hurt and Ruin (something like Hit and Run) scenario.
Let’s analyze this scenario closely and try to identify the culprits. !!!!!!!!!
In a relationship usually the first inclination after an argument is to weigh down the whole deal in terms of give and take. Each person thinks he/she is giving more and receiving less. This is hardly due to selfishness if the couple really loves each other (instead of their money, fame, beauty etc). Both of them willingly give more to a relationship in the beginning.
Strange enough that in itself might be selfish. Why? You might ask?
Well! Just think closely if you are in a relationship, or better still jot down the facts on a piece of paper. Is it really true that what you did to please the other person was their request or pleasure too? Could it be that what you did was something that you wanted him/her to imitate while downplaying your partner’s actual personal likes/dislikes?
Let’s take an example here.
We all know that a woman loves to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries etc. She always remembers her spouse’s birthday and showers him with all sorts of gifts and affection on his special day. This is what she loved to do, but not what he expected. He may just be ‘mildly pleased’ with that (and earns -50 from his woman). On his turn however, he not only wishes her a day late he also forgets to make her feel grand by not celebrating it the way she imagined it to be (another minus 50 for the man- making it a total of -100).
Will I be the same person (s)he initially loved ?
This leads to another barrage of questions towards the past and future of this relationship.
Does (s)he love me at all? If so why does (s)he want me to change ?
Has the love died now and we see each others' true self (initially blurred by the cloud of love) and can’t live together anymore?
Is it time for a break-up? Time to move on?
The only safe answer is ------It’s time to think and re-think!!
Not to think of wrapping up, but about the relationship as a whole and how important it is for you. It’s time to list up all the good/bad and extreme things about each other. But it’s also necessary to give TIME to your partner ALONE. Get some space yourself too. Keep safe distance (total cut-off is detrimental and certainly not necessary if you are too attached). It’s time to get your bearings with the world around you, to seek your friends and well-wishers to get a reality check.
In the beginning everyone may favour and sympathize with you (esp. if they belong to the same sex). You may feel getting into self-pity, picturing yourself as the victim of selfless giving in your relationship. But, soon as you probe into the lives of your friends, relatives etc you realize that you are not alone. In fact those happy faces giving you ‘kind advice’ against continuing this relationship have their own set of dirty laundry hidden in the closet.
Slowly the negative points you gave to your partner go back to a naught (zero). As you actually compare your partner with other men/women you start handing out positive points on how good your girl/guy had been to you. How they negated their personal values to please you only to see their efforts being ignored by you. You suddenly realize how they changed for you. How innocent their demands were and just a little effort on your part could have added another spark in your relationship igniting it all over again
.................................... The BEAUTIFUL End ..........................................
Also check out
why we need to compromise in a relationship
how to adjust to a man and his moods.
Do you think he will change for you?