Asking your man to do something!

How to ask your man to do something for you without putting a dent on his ego? Hmmm.. tough one right? I know those of you who googled it are probably married ones wid a lazy ***** of a husband (ya i know at least when he is acting tired u do feel like abusing him silently) while others who have been in a long term relationship where the dewy eyed beginning has long evaporated face the same prob.
(Once again i give a deduced understanding below of "Men are from Mars" by Dr. John Grey )

Woman often complain that men have lost their gentlemanly ways and don't do anything when asked -not even their fair share of work like laundry, dishwashing, room cleaning etc. Usually women themselves have relieved their men of this responsibility. We take pride in giving him everything on the plate, spoon feeding them. This is our way of showing love. Do I need to tell u guys again to only give as much as you know you can receive? I cannot emphasize more the importance of it.

So well all you have to do is change the wording of how you put it before him.
Like instead of saying "Can you please remove the wet towel from the bed?"
You can put it this way
"Will you please remove the wet towel from the bed?"

Yes. I know you think I m fooling around. How can a mere exchange of interrogatives change the way he behaves to your plea? Actually men like to think that they CAN do any and everything. Ofcourse they CAN remove the towel. do you doubt them?? But why on earth should they do it it at your command? But when you show that you KNOW they can do it but are 'requesting' them as if you are asking their permission as 'will you' then it changes the way their mind perceives it *hmmm..so she really needs me to do it out of my own will. It's upto me to do it or not. Fine no harm in helping dis girl!*


Well, it's fairly easy to understand it when i put a very important quotation in reverse order. Think of a man proposing you  -----
"Will you marry me?"  (Ahh..the blush on your face)
And imagine him asking you this way
"Can you marry me?"
(Whoa..wat was dat? You jerked away)

Ofcourse you can marry him but asking it in a 'permission granting' manner makes all the difference in the world. doesn't it?Try it sometime in other instances when you want him to listen to you,but make sure you know he is not in his mood swing.

-----Don't forget to comment or recommend it on google if you found it useful------

Do u create ur own ditch?

For any girl the key to less tears and more fulfillment in any relationship is to 'expect less'. Believe u me men sniff 'expectations'  a mile away and run from it as if they have read 'danger ahead' sign !!

Now how do you expect less? Just how?  You wait for his call,you make him meals, u wash his laundry, u buy him presents, u don't eat/go out widout him, u cancel your plans with your friends just for him, u wake up late nights to talk to him..right?? (and this goes for both married and unmarried couples)..well STOP DOING ALL THAT!!
 or cut it to half....
 or else make sure he does all dat for u as well. Period!

See don't create a ditch for yourself.
It might be that instead of him ditching u somewhere along the line u created the ditch urself. Women who expect more come across as needy and i dun need to tell u witty girlies how a needy (read run away fast) woman appears to the MAN-kind!!

If he can't cut on his meetings with male friends, if he doesn't ask u again about ur health when u were sick, if he can't wake up at nights coz he is too tired then so should not you. In one way i wouldn't call this rude. Trust me. Some men won't even notice if u din't give any of the above 'angelic favours'. Don't be a real devil, but please stop being a fragile, naive angel.

Give as much as u KNOW he can give back. Once he fails to reciprocate retrace ur steps and go to square one. That way u will have a lot less expectations from him which would result in less arguments and less resentment and more love. Resentment eats up love alive. People may even resent the other person while making love esp when they feel they r being used as objects instead of human and as soon as the 'moment' will pass their feelings will be forgotten! So keep the resentment out . You will have to try hard for it initially. Hmmm..what did you say? You don't resent him?? Ok then tell me will u b ok if he forgets to wish u on ur birthday , ur date anniversary, the Valentine day?? This is how women UNKNOWINGLY expect more and allow resentment to be built and ruin the relationship!

Once you stop rendering him favours or being super-caring machine for him then if by chance he cancels his night out wid the boys just for you it would be a 'nice surprise' for you instead of  'Oh i did just the same for him,,so he owes it to me'...You will be thankful to him instead of seeing it as an even-out situation. Do less so you expect less and enjoy more each time he makes a tiny effort. Create instances so you can be thankful to him instead of demanding. See the difference??

Please do comment and tick the reaction boxes. and recommend it on Google. I would feel blessed :-))

Enjoy Your BEING !

Here’s a post intended to make people feel generally good about themselves. It’s obvious none of us is happy with our looks. No matter how perfect a certain part of our physical appearance is we still have a lot to desire. Perhaps because our own preferences about ourselves change with age, climate, environment and even the people we meet.

When we are young we are never satisfied with the number of toys and stationery we can get. In teenage we are so damn freaked out with the way our body is changing chubby cheeks sinking in, jawline expanding, nose protruding strangely and physically evident gender discrimination making its way night after night and so on. Beyond teenage we are more towards gadgets video games, small-time cameras, mobiles, laptops etc. till a point comes when we can finally control some of our structure and appearance. That would be as we exit teenage, though teenage girls who just turned sweet 16 are increasingly seen thinking of surgeries to enhance their asset or glorify their complexion. DUH!

So my point was to see the brighter side of everything that you have that is God-gifted and that you cannot possibly change (or have given up trying to). That includes:

•         A dark skin tone: a darker skin tone has more pigments . This means you are not going to get any type of skin rash, sun tan or even acne . It’s more of a tough skin type. Fair-skinned people have extremely sensitive skin which means even slightly more exposure to skin will result in sun-burn. Yeah yeah I know dark people. complain of skin tan but it goes away as quickly as it comes. You can enjoy yourself for hours on the beach and you would never get burnt. That’s why we never have sun-tan prevention or tan-inducing creams in Asia.

•       If you have oily skin (which is also pimple-prone) then congrats coz beyond 30 years of age when your friends are going for anti-ageing miracle creams you would not only have reduced acne(cos of slow hormonal action). Your skin would also be the most youthful of all. Those with dry skin can enjoy life so much with just a bit of moisturiser.

•      Those with curly hair can go anywhere even with oil on the scalp and enjoy great comments. Those with straight hair can get them permed or keep them straight whenever they want to. Nowadays, straightening, perming, dying, extensions everything is IN. So feel blessed you are a part of this advanced era.

•  If you have small front anatomy (girls I mean) then that means you would not have to worry about them sagging after 40 nor would they result in back pain as is the case with well-endowed ladies.

•   Girls who are skinny don’t obviously have to be told that they will look smart even after 3 children. Girls who are bulky will have fewer problems in child bearing and also lactation.

•       If you have don’t have loads of money at least you enjoy every time you get your first salary unlike those who have their own huge business and get heart attacks every time the monthly sales chart dwindle. You are an employee means you  can change company after company but your owner has no choice except to face a bankruptcy if things go wrong with his company. So enjoy being a salaried person 

•     If you are married at an early age you can enjoy your kids and grandkids while still in urn middle age (like 50s). If you are beyond 30 and still unmarried you know you have matured enough to handle your marital life successfully with a lot less fantasies and expectations than that of a young girl. Trust me you hubby will respect you for that. There will be less of shattered dreams and more of a mature understanding with a taste of its own.

•    If you are settled in your homeland after marriage then you can enjoy all events, ceremonies, happiness and sad moments with your family and friends. If luck takes you abroad then you can think of all the times you would get a celebrity-like welcome when you touch base. Right na??

So, I hope I have gotten my point across ladies and the not-so-gentle-men :DD Enjoy life in whatever state you are. If it’s so hard then imagine being in the body of Brad Pitt , Nicole Kidman, Marilyn Monroe or Brittany Spears and think of how they felt with popularity, money, their drug addiction, lifeless life and a failure in private life which was present for the world to ridicule. How would it feel if someone ditched you and your sullen pics were all over mags, your cellulite ridden legs were the ‘story of the day’ and your in-habitat ritual was being laughed at as a an attention-seeking tactic??

SeEEeEee!! NobOdy is happy... coZ noBody is Perfect! Enjoy till it lasts!!

Gold on V-Day!

Sorry for being desperate to catch your attention like the sidelined Facebook ads, but i Had to. On V-day for all newly-met couples and even older ones i would like to know how your relationship is coming along. As you know that besides my blog name the Emotional Lava my blog link is basically about relationships . See this address?? http://relationships-catgirl.blogspot.com/. So by Gold in my blog topic I meant Old is Gold !!

So here's a review of my previous posts where i have written about all those love birds i see on facebook, messenger and those cutie-pie girlfriends of mine who are starry eyed in their new love.*touchwood* Mwaaaaaaah my lovelies :-))

Here's a quick review
Ever noticed a change in his mood after the first 3 heavenly months?? Here's the reason. 
Why men withdraw their love for sometime


Why is your man having mood changes difficult to comprehend and he won't even tell you about it?

How to adjust to his mood?

Men withdrawing love -part 2

Have you passed the initial 3 months stage successfully. it's been 6 months now and you feel you are giving too much?? Here's somthing that would really make you understand why you give and he doesn't.
What happens when we give what we want to only!

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And here's me wishing all the lovely couples a candle-lit dinner on Valentine :-))

The Power of NO

Seriously I mean wat do some people think when they want to ask you for a favour and then it goes on like forever? I m sure most girls would agree with me when it comes to the so-called ‘sharing’ of things between female friends esp the best buddies. At some point in time you feel your possessions are being taken over then the exchange being a 50-50 situation. You feel you are buying more goodies and giving them up in the name of friendly charity rather than getting to use some from your other friend. Khair this never happened to me except in cases when I had to drop off friends with no reciprocation for me. Hello!! I hate being taken for granted.

One of my friends (when she entered professional life and earned a handsome paycheck)  went to the extent of saying IN MY CAR that I can’t afford to give my friends a treat at an expensive restaurant with my teacher’s income. Oh Hello? I was the one who used to drop u off every damn day when u used to come by a bus and thinking of treat I really would NOT WANT TO treat u to a decent location cz even that very day I PAID for the treat!! And btw I earn for fun not to feed my family AlhumduLILLAH. Anyways after dat day I cut contact with her only to receive her call after like 2 yrs when I openly related my grievances to her. I m nto someone who lies low on her revenge esp when it involves using my tongue as a weapon!

So NO m not impressed with ur Moolah if u want me bak u hav to be the same ol’ pal with me!

Then in my professional life there was a certain teacher who used to get on my nerves giving me friendly advice on how to wear my clothes, where to get them stitched from, even how to wear my hair. Excuse me!! I go there to teach students not for a fashion parade like her. Finally one day in an venom-spitting teary outburst I told her to knock off and not to get on my nerves. I was flabbergasted when she actually came up to me and apologized with the ever-so-misused line of I thought of u like my li’l sis ! DUH ! as if I ever craved for a sis!! I m an only daughter n I love the power of running my kingdom all by myself!

In the same org . my head once asked me to erase a day’s diary from the board of all classes I took dat very day and this too just 5 minutes before the school was to over and I was AGHAST. I said m NOT gonna agree to dat silly request threw the pen I had on her table and sat down in another angry outburst yah yeah tears n all and DID NOT DO IT !

So NO I m not going to be PUSHED even if u r professionally higher up than me

The expression on my face when my maid asked me!!

Then there are people who ask for favours in the name of being your poor domestic servants. Can u imagine my Masi sees betelnut wrappers when dusting and asks me to give her one too!!  And the hair color, shampoo, cold creams, I use!!  One day she eve n asked me ‘aap nay merya liay pink wali lippisstick laker daynee hai Eid k liay’ ( u hav to buy me a pink lipstick for the event) –I was like I can only give u the one I don’t use anymore otherwise buy it!
Yesterday of all the things she saw my hair straightener (oh how much I had alarm bells in my mind not to lay it in plain sight) and asked me to straighten her hair for a  Christmas rehearsal.  I was working on the lappy at dat time n she was snooping around  *pulls hair* I had to tell her curtly ‘ I cannot straighten ur hair cz I dun do it even for my friends. I can give u money for waxing me n u can get it done from parlour’. U know wat? She even knew of hair straightening lotion n said  ‘I dun go to parlours. They cut my hair never to grow again by using weird scissors’ .*imagine* i said ‘no dun talk rubbish. I dun care. M not gonna do it!”

So NO again for using/misusing me sweetly to your advantage.

And finally I removed a fast friend my fb list when she sed I look weird with permed hair. Excuse me? Either comment or don’t . You know I love permed hair. When I made that point clear to her she asked me to F*** off. (what the hell !!) Nobody uses profane words with ME..not even my best friends! I cut contact with her obviously-not a word exchanged- and ofcourse she returned after a few weeks in a sweet self I never saw before.

SO NO, NO, NO to Abusive language, Push-overs, Innocent pestering and Yes I m old-fashioned and khiski huee *mental and sentimental*
.........I DUN CARE ! FINITO !!